


Under the burnt clouds

by Liah



Series: Under the burnt clouds [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Animals, Canon Era, Character Development, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, New Special Operations Squad | New Squad Levi, Slow Burn, Squad as family, Titan Shifter Eren Yeager, secrets about titans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 31,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liah/pseuds/Liah
Summary: What a strange day it was."No! Don´t do that!"Day when Eren Yeager, a shifter who promised to kill all titans, pleaded for life of one.Day when Levi Ackerman, a soldier who dedicated rest of his life to army turned his blades against his comrades. For Eren.Levi turned his head to him, ready to attack anyone who would come too close to them and Eren´s heart skipped a beat. "Explain yourself, Eren. And do it fucking quickly."(or: the one where everything goes to the hell, titans are more than just monsters and Levi is facing too many demons on his own.)





	1. Prologue - The voices I hear

_It seems like an eternity._

_I heard them just too long to be concerned about it anymore. There were matters which were far more important, things which could decide about our survival or distinction every second – titans, battles and blood. Bodies which looked like absurdly broken marionettes although that bodies were your friends and fellow fighters just few minutes ago. Screams, so many of them keeping me awake for too many nights._

_Time and its timing in hours and days seemed like useless concept. Time of soldier was measured by how much time he has before he would be send to the hell of titans again.  
So you cannot really blame me that I did not think about it more, I think. That voices in my head were part of my life as much as my shifting ability. But when I am wondering…_

_I started to hear them just after my first transformation._

_Soft murmur of voices. Too many of them to distinguish words or even whose these voices were – women? Men? Kids? They were just talking and talking without pause. Always present in the corner of my mind, sometimes angry and desperate but passive mostly of times._

_But at least one thing I knew for sure._  
They were calling me somewhere. They wanted something from me.  
I told nobody about them – nor Mikasa, nor Arwin. I was considered to be dangerous for humanity without it enough. The last thing I needed was to be seen as mentally unstable. 

_But sometimes… their call was too tempting._

_When I shifted. When I was too close to the titans no matter if I was in human or titan form. And when I was close to the walls, voices grew stronger._  
One day I followed them. Gave up to them when I was in my titan form, too tired to resist anymore. to go with them was as natural as breathing.  
That was the day when I attacked my own sister. I have no memory of it. 

_That was how I learnt that whispers are dangerous. That I cannot submit to them again no matter of cost. That I am fighting on two fronts – against titans and against myself._

_And during these fight I was truly and utterly alone._


	2. Chapter 1 - New squad is formed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New special operation squad is formed. To the hell with his life, Levi thought.

“You are fucking kidding me.” 

It was general knowledge that Captain Levi was short and his temper even shorter. But this time, nobody would blame him for his reaction.  
His superior and the closest thing to the friend he had only sighed, “I wish.” 

Two of them were sitting in the canteen with other soldiers, eating dinner. The moment when Erwin chose empty table in the corner of the room instead of their usual spot with other soldiers Levi knew that problems are eagerly waiting for him. Well, he was not a captain of this madhouse for nothing.  
“Sixteen. Practically kid. No way I will take him to the front lines for longer than day or two.” Rookies were supposed to get familiar with the fear and found the way how to deal with it by short expeditions. The fact that these kids had to face titans after break of wall on their own without lead of elder soldiers who would calm them down made Levi´s blood boil. And then ask why majority of them was killed that day. Humanity was so deep in this shit that there was nothing else to do that send kids to the death and hope for the best. 

“He is… extraordinary, so rules by damned here.”   
“Extraordinary,” repeated captain after him and drunk more of his tea in attempt to… ground himself to the reality?  
If he was not a witness he would never believe. A titan in their army…  
“Look, it is not so bad.”  
“Yes, you are right, I just have to deal with horny and too emotional brat and still lead other soldiers. Fucking fantastic. Should not I consider it as holiday or something?”  
Erwin sighed again but he knew better than to scold him for his attitude. That man was not stupid, at least that Levi had to give him credit for.  
“Actually… I want you to look after three brats as you put it.”  
He took it back. Erwin _was_ idiot with death wish.   
“Erwin, don´t you dare –“  
“Yes. I wanted to put you together with them even before shifting ability appeared, “ Erwin looked behind Levi, at the table, where that titan kid and his friends were sitting. Levi unwillingly turned around too, recognizing easily that Erwin wanted him to.   
“Mikasa Ackermann. Top of her class, killing machine. I would go as far as call her a prodigy.” Said woman has black hair and ridiculous red scarf but her eyes and face in general looked confident and calm. Fine, so at least no woman pissing her pant by sigh of titans.  
“Armin Arlert.”  
Levi just looked at his careful gestures and he said, “no good soldier.”   
“No,” confirmed Erwin calmly, “too nervous. His statistic is decent thought. But what is interesting about him – he is hell of strategist for his age. Half of his class would be dead without him.”   
“Hm. At least something.”   
“And then our titan. Average soldier. He is good speaker – majority of his training group joined us after one of his… outburst. He should have been just addiction to your new squad but obviously now he is a priority.”  
Levi suddenly felt cold although he was drinking hot tea and a fire in the kitchen filled canteen with warmth. 

_Believe in us, Levi!_

“No.”  
“Levi-“  
“Don´t you dare. I will train that kids because of your order but after they are ready they will be transferred under another captain. The most I can promise is keeping an eye on that titan kid for you.”   
“I am… sorry,” Erwin said softly, looking Levi straight into his eyes, “I did not mean to mock memory of your previous squad.”  
People who he trained with, fought side by side for years, ones who he considered to be his family.  
All of them gone. There were no even corpses to bury. Levi did not even get a satisfaction of killing titan which caused their deaths. 

_You know, that girls is probably in love with you. You are lucky bastard, Captain.  
Shut ut, Eld. _

“Fine. Now let me enjoy my last moments without supervision of teenage crap. “  
Erwin actually smiled and he even did not bother to be subtle about it.

To the hell with his life.   
*** *** ***   
No matter what was said or done, at the end of the day Levi was a soldier. So he took his orders and responsibilities seriously.   
Firstly, you need to gain as much information as possible.

So for the first two days he settled for studying his tree… colleagues (scratch that – still just kids)? Cataloguing their habits, interactions of group, personalities. He even read their files and talked with their teachers at academy. Everything was crucial to be able to find the way how to motivate them, punish them or manipulate them in the fields effectively. 

Mikasa Ackermann was only interesting in the facts which Erwin already mentioned- she was a great soldier, no more but also no less.To be honest Levi was looking forward to see her in action and if she would prove herself to his standards… well, he was ready to teach this prodigy thing or two.   
Her interaction with the rest of group was more or less stoic which he liked as well. There was only one thing which bothered him – her fixation to the titan brat. She was by his side nearly 24/7. That two communicated mostly by the gestures with the familiarity of people who were living majority of their lives together. That two of them even vocalized thoughts of other when needed – that was ability which only his old squad possessed and Levi was proud to train them to that point. it took lot of time though - it was not ability which recruits should have. Levi reasoned it that maybe that two are lovebirds or something. Actually, it could help them but Levi did not want to know how she would react if the titan kid was killed. 

Armin Arlert was intelligent – very intelligent – but clumsy and with low self-esteem. When tactics was included he was very effective – using his skills to achieve whatever he or his friends wanted although nowdays he was using that brain of his to achieve specific supplies on black market (nothing illegal, just things which were hard to find). When physical action was included Mikasa or Eren protected him – it looked like he forgot for a few moments that he is fully capable soldier. Levi will have to work on his weaknesses but it might do.   
And then… the titan kid.   
Eren Yeager. 

The boy was a piece of work, that´s true (Levi was not even sure if he meant it in the positive or negative sense of word). The boy was very loyal to his friends. Stubborn and determined which was big advantage because Levi would not go easy on him. As a soldier he was… capable.  
But from the trio, he was the only one who was still mostly the kid mentally.   
Eren Yeager was really short-tempered and more naïve than Levi considered appropriate. He did not know when to shut up and he was willing to disobey orders if he believed that he is right. Levi supposed that he is normal for a male sixteen years old behave in this manner but…  
This kid was a humanity last hope. 

Levi sighed. he expected worse actually especially from Eren - he had a hard time to think about that kid or to interact with him since their squad died. He avoided him completely and after few attempts to talk with him Eren accepted it. Well, probably the fact that Erwin put him together with his old friends helped. That kid gained his safety net. Levi did not want a one anymore. 

He sensed Erwin´s intelligent stare on his back, so he took his tee and unceremoniously sat next to the brats.  
Three of them felt deadly silent.  
“Sir?” dared Eren finally ask tentatively.   
“Started tomorrow, you three are going to train directly under my command. Understood?”  
“Yes, sir!” they said in unison without hesitation. At least they learnt something on the academy, then.  
They ate in the nervous silence but Levi expected nothing else.   
“Sir?” tried Eren again, looking nervous.  
“Yes, kid?”   
“Are we… your squat now?”

Levi blinked in confusion and pain which was too familiar nowdays. But that kid had a balls at least - but that Levi knew from very beginning. And he sounded so… hopeful.   
Why would that kid wanted to be in one squad with him again? After what happened the last time?

“Walls protect me, no. after I find you three capable, you will be transferred under another superior.”  
Then he stood and took his dishes to the kitchen, leaving kids behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the story (at least first part of it) is going to be written in Levi´s POV - to be honest, this character is easier to me to write, I understand him much more although when age is concerned I am closer to Eren. I wanted to show and explore Levi more.


	3. Chapter 2- What was left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First training of new squat and Levi warming up to his brats. Enjoy :)

There was a little left in him beside his loyalty. 

Levi tried to not to think about it much – about the exact point when he lost his hope for his own happy ending. When he stopped reaching for things and people.  
It was unavoidable –he saw so many good soldiers to die with no warning in the split of seconds, friends and comrades he cared about. He learnt in the hard way that caring is not an advantage. that feelings which made them human - which distinguish them from monsters - were burden pulling them down. 

And in spite of his title he did not believe he will survive this war. 

He was getting older – he was nearly 30 already – and his will to survive was weaker every passed year. he knew that he was just too different to keep with new generation as with people and connect with them which was essential - the bonds were what saved people during battles. You needed someone who is drived enough to risk for you or knew you enough to fight with you in tandem. Levi did not have such a thing anymore.  
He looked young - he knew that in barrack actually greens were making bets about his age. But walls, he felt every year in his bones - he lived enough. It was even too much.  
He only hoped that his death will be quick. He wished that his death was… meaningful.  
So beside his loyalty to the army and distant compassion to the fellow soldiers (he was still decent enough to pity them when he saw them struggle with death of friends or hopelessness) he felt mostly numb. Empty. 

Cold.  
He kept fighting because it was only thing left to do. 

**** **** *****  
The very next day he started with the training.

He met the brats at the training field shortly after breakfast and to their surprise he started with very basics of their job – their uniforms and flying engine.  
He chuckled darkly at their confused faces – what did they expected? That he will set a titans on them? Or break their limbs? 

He had his reasons for this.  
People mostly did not really think why Levi is the strongest soldier of their army, reasoning that only his experiences and talent are responsible. And that… was bullshit.  
“As long as you have all limbs we are at the same starting line, brats. Actually, you have advantage - your stamina is probably better than mine because of age. So why the hell I am better soldier than you?” he asked them. 

Experience and bravery were only part of it. Nobody talked about more pragmatic aspects.

For example, Levi was wearing his uniform and straps holding his engine in different manner than was taught in academy – original manner was not bad but his offered better support for his upper arms which was crucial for more complicated spins. Disadvantage was that his straps lost flexibility sooner than straps of others because of strain but it was worth it.  
He also cleaned and oiled his engine every evening although on academy they were told that do so once a week is enough. It did so obviously in attempt to save precious oil but Levi considered it as stupid decision – their flying engine was only thing which made them capable of fight. Levi felt practically naked without it after so many years of wearing it. But it did not change the fact that that fucking thing was really delicate and had tendency to stop functioning in the worst time possible.

As once Farlan said, there is no woman as moody as their engine is without proper attention.

He told this to the new brats and showed them how to do their errands properly. Then he started to train maneuvers in the air because of lack of ideas what to do with them.  
He knew that his approach was not right – during evenings he spent with them, making sure that brats would warm to him he saw that their true potential is somewhere else. He was just not sure how to train them to perfect this. 

He also made sure to teach them how to make a good tea for him – walls know that he would not survive mostly mentally stable without that thing.  
He was surprised when he found out that the most suitable brew was Eren´s.

“His father was a doctor. Eren used to help him to prepare medicine for patients so he is more sensitive to the herbs and work with them,” explained one evening Armin. Levi was somehow glad that in their group there is someone who at least know a shit about medicine although he was not happy that from all people it is Eren – he did not want to rely on that kid more than necessary. One way or another, most of soldiers including him were mostly clueless in this field. In was pointless to teach soldiers such a thing because in the field when you are hurt the probability that someone would get to you and actually had possibility to bring you back is practically non-existent. Their fight were too quick for that.  
“How much time left?” he asked Erwin after first week. Erwin was quiet for a long time but Levi did not mind – he was willing to be patient this time.  
“Two months at most. If I tell them that you are testing Eren abilities maybe little more before all of you will be send to the field again. It is hard to tell – we are short of soldiers until new recruits will come from their training this year.”

Well, fuck. Levi wanted to punch Erwin but instead of that he continued to stare to the flames of fireplace in Erwin´s office. It was not his fault – he was just playing by the rules and commands he was given, too. Politics was pain in the ass about which Levi knew nothing about - it was too complicated for him. He was just a soldier and he was perfectly comfortable in that role which Erwin gave him a long time ago.

All of them were just nameless marionettes.  
But well, time for childish plays officially ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that not much happened here but fillers like this one is needed - I really want to knit them together and for that I need them to survive a lot together, right? But don´t worry, there will be more action soon :)


	4. Chapter 3 - Sacrifaces of friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He started with Armin – it was as good start as any other. (Levi starting to work on weak spots of his new team... in his own shitty way).

He started with Armin – it was as good start as any other. 

Or in Levi´s mind, struggles which Armin had were the most obvious ones but also the easiest one to approach.   
The blond was practically a pacifist. 

He saw that in the way he treated others – always avoiding conflict no matter of cost. And to some extent… it was okay if Armin´s position in army was similar to the Erwin´s but due to the fact that Armin had chosen path of Survey Corps where people were required to fight not create strategies…

It was a disaster.

It went so far that the boy even ignored insults of his colleagues about his sexual orientation – rumours were spread because how often Eren beat a living shit of someone because of harsh treatment of soft blond boy. Levi knew that things would not change until Armin would stand against his bullies on his own.   
It also agitated him to some extent – yes, army was homophobic place even when humanity was on the edge of distinction, and yes, they were really stupid enough for that. But Levi did not like a fact that gays were considered weak in army, even tender. It was not a general knowledge that corporal preferred men too, so nobody tried to insult him or blackmail him (oh, they would tried only once) but this sticky situation and assumption about gays was insulting him still. 

Levi also wondered if the blonde chosen this type of career only because of his friends – clearly the boy would be more useful around the maps and books not beyond the walls. And if it was a case… what a waste. This is what it looked like when your affection for friends –affection too strong- is a disadvantage especially in such a young age. They were relying on each other too much and in the wrong ways. 

It was also reason why Levi preferred to be alone these days.  
One way or another Levi´s task was to help him survive – and that meant to take care of his weak spots.   
So during next training he ordered Armin and Eren to fight against each other with knives. 

“Don´t hold back. I will stop you when the things will get too serious.”  
Their unwillingness to fight each other was practically visible but they obeyed – they had no other choice, did they?

Opening was Eren´s and with his temper Levi expected it – he started to attack Armin´s arms and hips, clearly hoping that it would be the way how to knock Armin down without too much damage. Levi´s was curious why Eren did not choose to attack legs – it would be easier and more effective – until he saw Armin´s moves.

The blond was moving too fast around Eren.  
Where Eren was ball of rage and bottomless energy, there Armin was elegant and efficient. He was less aggressive and weaker than Eren in general but the fight was tight because of Armin´s careful calculation.

To be more specific, the blond was nearly dancing around titan kid with effective and elegant moves. It was interesting to watch – but they were just avoiding each other. But there was potential, something to work with.   
“Fight, brats!” he barked, pushing. 

They started to use fucking weapons, _finally_ , but their moves were… amateurish at best. They were using only basic manoeuvres from academy, using them on purpose slowly and carefully so the other was able to catch up and react. And here the difference was visible painfully – Armin´s technique was weak in comparison to Eren´s. To see how slow the titan brat was moving for blond´s sake was almost hilarious. 

“God damn it, brats! We are not playing here! The one who lose here will have hellish week as a punishment, I can promise!”  
Mikasa only sighed, half of her face hidden under that ridiculous scarf of hers and shook her head. _This won´t work._  
They started to fight, though. Eren was aiming at Armin´s face, moving at full speed, pushing Armin to take steps back. So they were getting somewhere, fucking-finally.   
Them he saw it. 

Eren was letting holes in his defence so big that even blind would saw it and he was doing it on purpose.   
Enough is enough.   
“Stop, you two,” he ordered. Both boys looked at him, panting heavily. Levi was curious how that two idiots complete their training at academy with this performance, how blind, incompetent or unresponsible their instructors had to be to turn a blind eye to it - it was no way that that two are doing this for a first time. “Armin, you are gonna fight with me. No weapons.”

Eren looked at Armin worriedly but stood next to Mikasa.   
Levi did not give Armin time to prepare.  
He aimed punch to his stomach, testing if the kid is able to block it. Armin did something else – took step to the left with that dance-fighting moves of his. It was suiting him, really – running, always running.  
Next Levi aimed for face and made sure that it would be a successful punch.   
Armin coughed when the blood spurted from his nose. Older man did not wait and hit his hip. The blond groaned in obvious pain.  
Levi let him ten seconds to put himself together.  
“Again, kid.”  
Armin looked at him with fear in his eyes but obeyed.  
This time Levi was aiming for a face, making sure to leave nasty bruises behind, tyrannizing sensible flesh at neck and arms. With every hit, the kid´s focus was getting worse, his attempts to avoid him fruitless. Levi was aware that kid did not even try to attack him in return. 

But it was not what was getting on Levi´s nerves.  
The most annoying was determination in a stare which Armin was giving him.   
Fuck that. Fuck the kids who think that determination is enough. Levi was sick of it – sick of good people dying and sick of people sacrificing for their friends. 

They are not playing games here.  
There are no heroes here.  
Just nameless corpses.  
He was sure that the blond would not survive longer than a month and that make him sick-  
Fuck that _all._  
Levi punched the blond with his full strength – the kid fell on his knees and started to throw up. Levi swinging again to hit his head when suddenly something stopped him.   
Eren was holding his arm.  
“Don’t you dare to take your hatred for me on Armin!”  
 _what?_

Levi would send the titan kid to the hell with his senseless babble if not the fact that Mikasa was standing in front of Armin, protecting him, with the cold stare.   
She would not interfere if he did not overdid it. Other training soldiers were staring at them solemnly, mainly at him.   
He put his hand down and turned around abruptly. Eren was looking at him with rage in his green eyes, teeth barred – he looked too much like his titan form.  
“I expect that kid in my office after dinner. Dismissed.”

Eren´s hands left burnt places on his hand. Nothing too serious but it hurt like a bitch.  
Well, he deserved that. He would only like to know if titan kid did raised his body temperature on purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Levi was harsh to Armin here. But this universe is cruel (but beautiful) place and he did not abuse his power on purpose though... you will see. I just write this note to avoid bad reactions about Levi here.   
> See ya! :)


	5. Chapter 4 - Burden on their arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our bonds define us. Our bonds destroy us - this is what Levi wants Armin to realize.

It was late when the blond finally knocked on his door. 

“Come in,” he said, purposely not looking from his papers although he was not able to read that shit anymore – his eyes hurt from the weak light of candle which was the only source of light. It could not be helped – their supplies where too thin for luxury of two candles for a room as small as his just because his sight was getting little worse every passed year - he probably already needed glasses for reading at least but he was just too busy to care about such a trivial problem until his ability to fight was intact. Levi sighed, cleaning his thoughts and finally looked at him – this could not be helped.

Arlert stood in front of his desk, tense and scarred. Levi felt something cold in his stomach when he saw a bruises forming at kid´s face. 

“How do you feel, kid?” he asked. The blond gulped.   
“Good, sir. Eren gave me some compress for bruises and tea for my stomach.”  
Interesting. “It seems that he knows what he is doing.”  
Arlert nodded, “he was taking care of me and Mikasa since our village was destroyed. He had more work with me though. I was ailing kid.”  
Levi could not imagine that titan kid to be tender enough to soothe pain. Overprotective and fighting for his friends, yes, with the wrath of his, but to be delicate enough to heal?  
“Good for you, Arlert. Now to the point of our session – do you know what was all about?”  
The blond was suddenly tense again, avoiding his gaze. Levi nearly regretted he asked that question, but it was necessary.

He himself had apology at very tip of his tanque. _I overdid it today, kid._ Words he could not let through his lips if he wanted maintain respect of fellowed. Everything had to had reason or at least it had to seemed like that. He could not say just _I lost my shit there today although I should not._  
Levi was furious mainly with himself for this - he had to be above things like this. His personal emotions do not matter. He _must not_ lose his shit like this. This won´t repeat.

There was no place for stupid regrets like this one. If it helped to move things in right direction after all…  
but it did not mean he liked it.   
“You wanted to show me how pathetic soldier I am, sir,” he nearly whispered. Levi snorted.   
“ _I_ would be a pathetic captain if that would be my reason.”  
“Sir?”

“I needed to show you that you are part of this group,” he tried to explain. He wanted to achieve that although he originally did not plan to beat the kid to show him his point. _What was done was done. Let that shit go._  
“I-I still don´t understand.”  
“Kid, try to use that brain of yours,” he said and Armin would swear that his voice was warmer than ever before, “Mikasa and Eren disobeyed his superior today although they knew I would not kill you. You three are free of real danger until you are here but still, they risked and disobeyed me.”  
“I would do same for them.”  
“Yes. But what do you think that will happen with us if our only shifter die for no apparent reason? Disobeying superior - fucking Humanity strongest as top of that -and executed for some stupid beating? You know that thanks to that clown around the king Eren is living at borrowed time. One bad step and…” he did not finish. He did not need to. 

Levi could see a frantic movements Arlert´s eyes. “He would not risk-” When he caught with Levi´s thought he visibly palled, “Oh, Walls… he have done it once. He let himself to get eaten by titan before his first transformation because of _me._ I-I,” his voice broke, “I should have realized – I swore that I would not be a burden for them anymore. And I try but-but I _can´t-_ “  
They are kids. They are still kids with too much on their arms. 

“Easy. My point is that you have to find a way how to fight. If not for your own safety then for safety of your beloved ones. You have to be their equal.”  
 _If you don´t want your bond with these two destroy them._  
He did not want see a death of this kid. He hoped that this will… help. it was all of it was really about.  
Because Artlert knew how to fight in his own way - Levi witnessed it when he saw his technique today, seeing moves he did not ever seen before - he just lacked motivation to beat his enemies back.

“Yes, sir! I will be better next time.” That determines stare was back. Right.   
“Good. Starting today, you will train with Mikasa at least twice a week. And you two better do a better job than today or I will beat a living shit out of you again.”  
Armin gulped, “understood, sir.”  
“Now take this shit to the office below us and get some sleep. Dismissed,” and with that, he pushed a paper to the corner of table. He need to find where he put another one for Fucking eyebrows-“  
“S-sir?”   
“What it is, kid?” he looked at him curiously. That kid was nearly shaking?   
“You have mistakes there. It is offended not ofended. Also wheel is with double e.” 

The tension in the room was nearly visible. The kid was looking at his boots like it hold a secrets of the universe. 

Actually, Levi did not care about his grammar – as long as his message was understood. He was illiterate practically all of his life until Erwin taught him so his ability to write report was practically miracle. But still… letters without spelling meant respect of his superiors. And their respect means that his request for supplies would be taken more seriously.   
Oh, Walls, how much he hated his life.

“Congratulation, kid. Starting today, you are my personal assistant. Take a seat – I have some other letters which I need to check.”  
“Sir?”  
“I think that´s obvious that if anything you read will be spread I will have your balls. And yes, you can read that books you are looking at when you are not hypnotising your fucking boots. For the sake of Walls, I am not a titan, kid.”   
Evidently, Armin had to be more beaten that he let to show, or his comment was more insane that he thought – but that kid _giggled._ And yes, then he looked with horror at Levi but when he saw that his face stayed neutral, he relaxed.  
Well. It could ended worse. 

_One done, two to go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter is shorten than Levi, but hell, last few days were a mess. I hope that you enjoyed this (and that you have seen new trailer for season 3. I nearly had a heart attack :D ) 
> 
> See ya next time, sweeties.


	6. Chapter 5 - More than just angry brat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the very first time when Levi realized that Eren is more than just angry brat.

Evidently, he deeply underestimated Jaeger´s ability to hate.  
Well, well, what a fool he was.

It was not like the kid started to disobey him directly – even Jaeger was not stupid enough for that but apart the direct orders the teen ignored him completely.   
Levi did not realized before how much he was used to the attention of soldiers (although he hate it) until Eren started to ignore him. He was not even sure why he minded it – all training was little easier without Eren´s explosions of rage/enthusiasm. 

Only time when Eren´s stare was directed at him was when he was near Armin. Titan shifter was observing their interaction sharply with tension – ready to attack his captain if his friend will be beaten again. Levi made sure to speak with blond in the same manner as others - he did not need to provoke the titan shifter even more.  
Levi still did not understand what Eren´s said when he protected Armin from him last time - _Don’t you dare to take your hatred for me on Armin!_ \- that was what Eren said. what was the point of that stupid teen? he probably should ask him but with clear distrust which Eren had for him right now something like that was quite impossible. 

Levi wondered if he already managed to destroy all admiration which brat had for him long time ago.

One way or another Eren eyes full of rage - the image of those eyes in titan face gave even him shivers. 

Levi told Armin directly which days he need him in attempt to make sure to not call Armin to his office every night – not everyone was fucking insomniac like he was so he wanted that kid to catch as much sleep as possible. But it still ended with many evening spend in one office and that led to the little personal conversation. After week Levi started to brew the tea for blond kid and that blond mushroom stopped to be afraid of him. 

So after realisation that the mushroom was actually decent person to talk with Levi made sure to keep eye on his training with Mikasa. He had hand to hand combat with him too and it was hard but never as bad as that first one.   
he gained… colleague in Armin, he supposed although it was maybe too soon to tell. But that kid remained him much of Erwin (just softer) and that was probably a reason why Levi did not mind to have him around. 

The humanity´s strongest also made sure to fight with titan shifter – he hoped it would let that kid to let out some steam of his. And it did a trick to some extent. After week of training when Levi did not beaten Armin to the bones the fire in Eren´s eyes calmed down a little. Much later Armin admitted that he argued with Eren about it, trying to explain him what it was about. Levi was little surprised why he even bothered – was not that kid supposed be angry as well? Levi certainly would be – he remembered how long he hold the very same thing against Erwin. 

Eren calmed but his expressive face was still hostile. He did not trust Levi. Levi did not know what to do about it or even if he wanted to do something about it at all - talking with Eren was still just too painful for him. Brat was walking memory of his last squat, after all. 

Well, one way or another, he was surprised pleasantly when he discovered that Eren´s punches were accurate and his fighting style… fine. Levi still beaten him but he had to actually focus and that was pleasant change - Eren deserved his position as 5th best rookie in his year it seems.   
He started to respect that kid a little for his loyalty to his friends and his fighting still but it did not changed the fact that in Levi´s eyes he was kid with little control and dangerous ability. Eren´s inability to see things in bigger picture did not helped either. That man was destroying everything around himself although he did _not_ mean to and that was only reason why Levi tolerated him as a person. 

Imagine his surprise when he found the same kid stroking feather of crow sitting at his shoulder comfortably. 

The kid was sitting at stairs near to the kitchen when the two of them met. Eren visibly tensed although Levi said nothing, looking at that picture unbelievingly – crows were wild creatures avoiding humans so… how?   
“Explain, kid.”  
Eren gulped, his normally expressive eyes cold, careful, “ I found him hurt near to the gates. It was not scared of me so I have decided to help it.” he answered, looking at the bird instead of him. It was admirable, indeed as dark as night, looking at Levi with its small intelligent eyes.   
Levi was little startled when he saw that contrast – harsh Eren full of rage and this one, healing the animal, stroking it tenderly.   
That thing had bandaged wing. When he asked about it the shifter said that the wing is not broken but it needed to not move for few days and that the bird will be able to fly again soon. 

Levi rather said nothing. He knew that the kid was probably feeding the bird with their precious food but the crow could not eat too much. Also… this thing… was something new, refreshing. It was good to see life winning against death once in the while even in the form of animal. He wanted to see how it would continue.  
It was also the very first time when he saw the kid calm and content. Levi decided to let Eren keep his pet if that favour mend that Eren would trust Levi as a person little more again.   
And Eren´s surprise when he did not scold him for the bird was almost comical. 

Week after when he was sitting with Armin in his office something knocked at his window – it sound like someone threw small rock onto it. When the blond opened the window the crown flew in with loud croak. Levi cursed loudly but his protest died when that bird landed at Armin´s arm calmly and let the blond took a paper from its leg like it was normal thing to do for fucking wild animal. 

For the first time after years Levi was speechless.   
Armin smiled calmly although Levi knew him enough to see that he is not used to the crow on his shoulder yet, “Eren trains him. This little one could be useful, don´t you think?”  
The hell it could. To have messenger who would be able to bring messages on the field between groups… the possibilities were countless. Supplies which Eren used to take care about the bird were nothing in comparison.

Armin took some meat from his pocket and gave it to the crow. Bird flew away after that, evidently back to the Eren.   
Levi blinked.   
“Now at least you can see why I and Mikasa are so fond of Eren,” told him Armin softly.

…yes. For the very first time Levi realised that Eren Jaeger is more than just angry titan brat.


	7. Chapter 6 - Fragments

Some things changed and some not in the slightest. 

Levi realised that shifter brat is also person who could have good ideas… once in the while. That means that he was capable of using is fucking brain. 

And that meant that Levi needed to change his tactic rather quickly.  
That endless rage of Eren´s on him would not disappear with time - only calm down a little, but still burning steadily. Same with his distrust – Levi slowly started realizing that the brat is different than he originally expected and knew from their previous squat.  
Captain sighed heavily and took a sip from his tea – he deeply regretted his first outburst which led to Armin´s beating. It gained him shifter´s distrust. His mood was even darker when Armin confirmed his assumptions about titan shifter. 

Levi´s inability to push himself to talk with Eren normally did not help either.  
Fucking great. 

But the worst thing about it was that without that brat´s trust in him Levi could not let that kid to transform into his titan – he would not dare. It would probably end in Eren losing his control or disobeying. Levi would not be surprised if Eren actually tried to kill him in rage.  
So they were practically standing at one fucking place while they were running out of time. 

He put his cup down and after brief hesitation he lied down on the sofa (he slept at that thing more than in his bed), looking at the ceiling, massaging his pulsing temples. His back, hurting from the work with gear, was giving him a high quality hell (it did not hurt so much when he was in his early twenties).  
He had to build some connection with the kid again. There was no other choice. 

_We are not just your new squat. We are your family, Heichou.  
Then be good mother hen and bring me more tea, Petra. This reports would actually kill me. _

It will be hard. He had better relationships with mushroom kid who was now familiar with him (and his books) and even Mikasa was more or less little more relaxed around him. Levi noticed that the crow which was regularly bringing small messages from Eren never even approached Levi, somehow reflecting emotions of his owner.  
Desire to kill every titan. It was only thing which was connecting them right now (Eren probably lost his childish admiration for him long time ago and normally, Levi would be glad but right now…). But would it be enough? 

Levi scolded at his ceiling. Did he just see spider webs? 

*** *** ***  
Firstly, Levi did not notice it at all.

It was deep night with clouded sky - nor stars, nor Moon so no good light provided. He barely could walk outside without struggle when he got to far from torches.  
But then someone opened the door and gave the night little light from the building - it was enough for Levi to caught flash of something behind barracks. 

Levi considered to let it be - apparently there were no problems and only little time remained until new soldiers would take his watch (he did not have guard duty often because of his ranks but sometimes when he was particularly stressed he send brats on duty inside, taking their shift).  
But Levi was soldier. And soldier fulfill his duty no matter how small or unuseful it is - the man learnt that let things to the chance is often unfortunate mistake.  
His eyes caught flash of blond hair. Really, it was unfortunate to have such a haircolor if one wanted to stay unnoticed. 

Armin should covered that ridiculous mushroom haircut.  
And Levi should fuck off as soon as he saw them.

But he should not, not really - later telling himself that he stayed just to be sure about nature of their relationship, to gain more information about brats he trained. But at that very moment his mind was blank.  
He saw them from the profile, able to see them rather clearly because of lights from barrack´s window - stupid kids, they should found other corner, darker one-  
Eren was sitting behind Armin, head on his shoulder. He was bending around him in attempt to completely shelter him with his broader figure. Armin was leaning onto him comfortably, his eyes closed - Levi would say that he was sleeping if not his playing with Eren´s palm and fingers.  
There was absolutely nothing wrong with this - he could not even scold them for making out - and still it was oddly intimate, more intimate act that raven had seen in long time. Finding teenagers fucking would not affect him in slightest but this… made is throat tighten for some reason. Levi knew that partners have no privacy in barracks and it would not be such a problem - nudity and proximity to others was common for soldiers - if they were not faggots. Two men as partners were not accepted no matter how much Levi hated it.  
_You beaten up his partner. Well done, Ackerman. You are still surprised why he hates you?_

When Eren nuzzled to blond´s neck tenderly, content and with care the older man never seen with him... he just turned around and left. He had no right to disturb them. It would be better if two of them were not together, _easier_ for both of them, but what was done was done. Levi let them, knowing that these moments were what kept a lot of soldiers fighting, reaching for better future. 

It did not matter that these little fragments of happiness were all what majority of them would get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that my chapters are rather short so I decided to add two at once - you are welcome (also this is much more fun that writing a paper for my class :D - one more and I throw my books through the window, really.)
> 
> Levi mentions Petra a lot. I think that if their had more time that they would end together. In my version Petra had a crush on Levi and Levi was starting to feel something too but he never really acknowledged it and after her death there was no point to think about it anymore. 
> 
> What do you think, how Armin/Eren would continue? (*giggling *)
> 
> See ya, sweethearts!


	8. Chapter 7 - That stupid wrath of yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren was angry more than not. Today Levi realized why.

Levi learnt that the kid was angry practically _all the time_. 

To be perfectly honest, it was actually hilarious to watch – someone said something about him or Mikasa or Armin and the kid bursted into rage, attacking like animal while Mikasa and Armin tried to pacify him. He was practically able to predict even the lines which his two friends were going to use to calm him down.  
But one day he witnessed one particularly nasty one.

“Not everyone here is suicidal bastard like you! I just want to survive to the graduation and then go to the police. I want to be safe!” the cadet shouted. Levi was not familiar with that kid. And after that line of his he did not really want to - stupid coward.  
“You are fucking coward, Jean! If all of us thought like you, there would be no one to fight!” _Do we practically thought the same thing right now?_  
“I don´t care! I just want to live! Not all of us will regenerate like you do, monster.”  
Levi blinked in surprise.  
“Go to the hell! _I did not want this!”_

When he heard first few punches and Armin´s concerned yelp he came nearer. Jean and Eren were surrounded by another cadets who practically frozen at the spot when they saw him. Fine.  
“Get the fuck out of here except you tree. Now.”  
Eren´s stare aimed at him was cold and furious. Such a contrast to the position in which he found him with Armin night before… Levi had hard time to believe that Eren he had seen with Armin and this Eren were one person.  
_Focus._

Only when they were alone he looked properly at his brats – Mikasa and Armin were standing so close to Eren that shoulders of that three were practically brushing. For a second it was easy to see the kids in front of him once again. It was easy to imagine that they stood like this - hand in hand like one- when some parent scolded them for - stop.  
He has never seen this brat so upset ever before.  
His fist clenched and his head bowed down, hiding his face. Showing obedience but at the same time completely refusing him, ignoring him. Levi clenched his teeth. _He has right to that. You knocked down his boyfriend, for sake of walls._

“He did not mean it. Not really,” said Mikasa to Eren.  
“You know, he is harsh since Marco died,” added the blond, trying to calm him down. Levi was at least little interested in that story - who was Marco to them all? What exactly happened? How it changed them and their dynamics? He needed to know as much about brats as possible to-  
“He is right.”  
“What?” asked Armin, startled.  
“He is right to blame me.They all…. died… because of me. He should be angry because I´m angry for it, too.”  
That kid is angry all the time.  
Levi felt like somebody punched him in the face. 

Even Levi was able to identify pure shock in Armin´s face, “Eren, you can´t honestly believe that –“  
“If I plugged the hole at Trost faster, they could live!” he screamed suddenly, angry again, then looked directly at Levi for the very first time.  
_Did they felt something? Pain? That very last second before they died?_  
“If I did a right decision your squat would still live and you would not have reason to hate me.”  
Not. This.

He would never forget that strange position in which he found Petra´s body. Her death eyes looking above, pleading him. At least she had seen the sky in her very last second, her death-  
_No._  
“Get of my sight, Jeager, if you have nothing else to do that mock their memory with your shitty teenage drama.”  
“But it is true! If I transformed they would live!”  
“They did their own choice! As I do! This is fucking war, you idiot!” he said, realizing, that he is standing only inch from Eren, shouting at him. He could practically feel the heat from Eren´s healing scratches from his fight with Jean on his own skin.  
Then he realised that Eren is practically staring at him, his strange green eyes. They were once again full of rage and… exasperation. And if that kid feels like this since his first transformation…  
He is supposed to take care of this brat. The very last member of his previous squat… 

“How many soldiers do you think died under my command, kid? For my bad strategy? Or harsh decision?” he asked through bared teeth but in softer voice. He did not expect answer so he continued. “ Both, you and I have power. But it also means epic opportunity to fuck everything up. That´s how it works. Deal with it or you will be useless to us.”  
He turned around, unable to look at him any longer.  
That faces of nameless comrades kept him awake practically every night when the candle was just too wasted to give enough light to read anything. He still half expected Petra coming to his office when someone knocked at his door at ungodly hour. She always knocked so softly it amazed him that he heard it every damn time.  
That was how a grief works. It hit you unexpectedly and in the most surprising small ways every day.  
For the first time he felt like he…. understand Eren Jaeger. 

*** *** ***  
It looked like that night was endless.  
Or maybe he just had too much paperwork to deal with. That mountain of practically useless reports, orders and lists for grieving families refused to shrink although Armin was with him tonight.  
After second cup of tea the blond sighed, “how can you do this every night, sir?” he asked in good nature, something he would not dare to do just month before. Levi liked it - he was relaxed enough to talk but not bold enough to pry like Hanji and Erwin would.  
Well, bird of the gay feather flock together, right? Not that Armin needed to know. 

“I have no fucking idea, kid,” then he looked at the candle, surprised how much of it was burnt out – how long they were working tonight?  
“Go to sleep, kid. You have done enough.”  
“Are you sure, sir? I don´t mind this,” he answered, hesitantly. Levi saw that the blond was thinking about something hard, but he did not really want to ask.  
“Positive. Dismissed.”  
Armin did not protest more, he just stood up, nodded to him and turned to the door. Levi hesitated. _To the hell with this. I am not build for this._  
“Armin.” The boy turned his head to him.  
“Yes, corporal?”  
“What do you think about… today´s incident? I want to know your personal opinion.”

“I…” the boy bowed his head down, his voice weak, nearly only whisper in the night, “As his friend I was shocked, sir. Of course, I knew that there is lot pressure on him but… he always acted like it was nothing. I´ve never understood how well he dealt with such pressure on him and sometimes I even thought that he did not realize what his powers mean for us. I would never guess that he blames himself for… for…”  
“Everything,” added Levi grimly.  
“Yes. And as a strategist… I don´t know what this could mean for us. Not yet. I am really sorry. His motivation,” murmured Armin, “guilt can be as good as any other and Eren can take a lot but he has to have a point when he breaks and this guilt…!”  
“Easy, kid. I was just curious. You two are… close. _Really_ close, I mean?” he said, not really sure where he is aiming with that. “So keep him in check. He will listen to you surely.”  
“Sir?” he asked, clearly confused. _How I am supposed to tell teenager that I know about his lover? To the hell with this stupid drama, even fighting titans is easier._  
Levi really wanted to kick Erwin to his ass for this. 

“Just keep an eye on him for me. Things between me and Eren are just too complicated now to cooperate properly.”  
Armin nodded and Levi hoped that with that difficult chit-chat ended for today. But with the solemn face the blond made he should knew better.  
“Do you… blame him, sir? For what happened to your squat?”  
It was like Armin punched him in his gut. Suddenly, there was no air in his lungs.  
_You should be here, whoever of you, not me. I am not good with this._  
How he could comfort someone if he himself was in pain?  
That was the greatest strength he did not possessed. Not really.

“No. It is war, kid. This things happens no matter what we do to prevent them.”  
Levi knew he should told this Eren by himself and not just rely on Armin´s and Eren´s closeness and probability Armin would tell this to Eren to release his blame and pain. He really should done this but it was just… to much. To painful. Levi hated Eren in his own way and he knew it was irrational and absolutely wrong, but it did not make it easier.  
Letting that reluctancy and blame for Eren felt like letting his squat go entirely.  
“Sir. With full respect,” Armin turned to face him, staring at him, “we are not kids. Not since wall was compromised and Eren´s mother was killed in front of us. Yes, we are young but… our age is not important. Not anymore.”  
They were looking at each other, practically staring, Both of them serious, grim and wrapped in their own pain, daring other to say otherwise.  
_This way it is easier for me to keep my distance. It is easier to ignore kids than your comrades._  
Levi nodded. If he could not make things between himself and Eren better he could give that brats this, at least this.  
“Good night, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I do not really like when people talk about Eren as just stupid angry kiddo. He has a lot on his shoulders - lot of guilt - and anger is only way for him how to express it. We saw him many times in manga or anime to show compassion and empathy, crying for ones who were lost...  
> What do you think about him? 
> 
> Next time, finally some fluff between Eren and Levi. Promise :)


	9. Chapter 8 - And stupid guilt of mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt was magical thing. Really.

It could not pass a long time – although time tend to run quickly when one was lost in his own thoughts – when someone knocked at his door.  
Soft knock. So, _so_ soft.  
“Come in.”

Eren Jaeger said nothing to explain himself – just stood in front of him, fist on his heart, while Levi´s was beating fastly, harshly in his chest. The worst part of that he did not understand why.  
“Speak, brat. I don´t have all night for this,” he spoke more harshly than he intended to but brat did not wavered. _Go away. I can´t do this._  
“Yes, sir. I wanted to apologize for my behaviour, sir. It was not my intention to…”  
Levi sighed. He suddenly felt much older than he had right to feel. 

“It is not important, brat, not really. They are dead one way or another,” Eren took a sharp inhale. “But your effort is… appreciated.”  
Well, at least the brat stopped him hate too much to come and apologize. Guilt was magical thing, really.  
Levi wanted nothing more that send Eren away. But that kid was attached to their squat as well. He was not with them long, not really, but that damned brat had his heart on his sleeve, something which Levi was not able to do anymore, and he got attached to Levi and his squat so quickly. And result was that he was in the same pain as Levi right now mourning as quietly as Levi himself.  
All of this - all of this - was just too complicated. Captain clentched his fists in frustration - he tried his damnest to see things just black and white because it was easier. Squat was dead, they remained, Eren failed. That was it. But in reality, Levi himself was practically the one who persuaded Eren to stay in his human form. Although he meant what he said - that final decision was on Eren - he expressed strongly what he wanted Eren to do. with that in consideration he could not think about that decision as only Eren´s. As consequence, Eren´s blame for that of their squat was same as Levi´s. 

Levi did not dare to think about it more, to regret that decision. He was sure that if he would get there, it would destroy him. But brat, staying in front of him, with pure determination and pain in his fucking eyes pushed him to face it.  
And Levi surprisingly realized that he is still standing, getting there, step by step.

He pushed Eren away although the brat needed him because both of them lost their comrades, friends.  
He beaten his lover to the core in the world when one protects loved ones with their lives because they could be dead so easily in front of them.  
Guilt was magical thing. Really. 

“Sit down.”  
Eren blinked in surprise, but obeyed. Levi automatically poured some tea into cups for them, “you don´t mind drinking after Armin, right.”  
“Of course not.”  
“Right. Now speak about your feelings.”  
Eren nearly splinted his tea but thanks walls, he managed to gulp it – he did not need tea on his table.  
“Excuse me?” he choked.  
“Your feelings, brat. That things which bother you so much. Especially that stupid guilt of yours since it seems you don´t talk about it with your boyfriend enough.”  
“Wait, what?” he shrieked, putting (or better say nearly throwing) his cup at table... was he blushing? “My _what?_ ”  
And that´s the reason why I do not talk about emotions. 

Levi rolled eyes in exasperation. “Blond mushroom. I saw you two behind the barracks yesterday, brat. Try to find better place to cuddle or whatever you two are doing.”  
“Sir, we are not-” he blushed fully and it would be hilarious if Levi was not a participant of such a conversation, “ boyfriends,” he added hesitantly, avoiding his eyes.  
“I don´t mind gays. I don´t care,” he said in attempt to calm clearly distressed teen down.  
After that bomb in the room both stayed quiet. Eren was first to break that silence although his eyes stayed glued to his cup.

“We are not like ...that. Armin just sometimes need someone to do this for him when things are just… too much. I do this to comfort him since we were kids,” he explained slowly, clearly struggling to form right words to grasp it, “sometimes his eyes are so empty that it scares me, sir. When he told me that he did not deserve his life I did not know if to punch him or started to cry,” he whispered to his hands more that to Levi.

_Holy crap._

There were many things which Levi should ask - how wrong it really was with Armin, how he is really coping with fear, if he ever attempted to... holy shit. But he could not because it was pointless.  
During training and actual battles there was percentage of soldiers who have not survived not because of fighting of titans but just... loosing it. Suicides - in safety or loosing fight with titan intentionally - were not often but not uncommon, too. Just nobody talked about it, seeing it as something pathetic and shameful. Nobody really cared enough to find out how to help them before it was too late.  
There was nothing for him to say or do - just keep his eye on Armin. Until now, he was coping well enough... he got through with awareness that Eren was dead, eaten in front of him, so there was possibility he would not really break after all...  
Who the hell knows. _Shit._

“Just friends,huh?” he rather asked. 

To be honest, Levi was amazed by how selfless the brat´s behaviour was. Providing his friend this form of essential comfort - risking hatred for assumed relationship with man, giving tenderness with awareness that he would not be able to explain that proximity to potential romantic partner.  
“Just friends,” he confirmed.  
“Well, I fucked this shit up, right?” he asked, actually exasperated. He was too bad when people were concerned, walls damn it all. But to his amazement, brat chuckled.  
“Yeah,” he confirmed honestly, his features for once soft. This was Eren who he had seen with Armin that night and that change between that two version was always so sudden that it let Levi little bewildered. “We... both did, sir.”  
“Yeah,” he repeated after brat. _I am so sorry, Eren._

To his amazement, the silence which filled the room was comfortable one. He did not need to avoid looking at brat and brat did not looked angry anymore. it felt almost like in old days with squat.  
Eren was only one who remained. But for the very first time it did not hurt so much to think about it.  
But there were things which he still needed to solve.  
“Let that blame go or it let you to some harsh decision which will cost us more lives. You don´t want that.”  
Eren took a sharp inhale.  
“Or even better,” he pushed, “you will break under your own guilt because everyone would break under so much shit. And then their sacrifices would be for fucking nothing.”  
“I would never –!“ he yelled pain evident in his eyes.  
“Control it. Talk about it even to me although it will be pain in my ass. That´s what people do, you idiot.”  
“Sir…”  
“That´s order. _This time I will listen to you_. Understood?”  
Jaeger looked at him and Levi would swear that for the moment, his eyes were shinning.  
“Understood.”  
*** *** ***  
Somehow, both of them continued to drink Levi´s tea until the candle burnt out completely, emotionally dried to the core, too much to bother with conversation.  
Somehow, Levi did not feel like sleeping at all, so when Eren asked him if he could stay with him in his office, proclaiming he did not want sleep yet, he allowed although during light of day he would send him onto the hell with that. But he blamed his sudden softness to only one fact - blame was really fucking magic. also he Armin was not aware of his slip before but - he reminded Levi that Eren´s mother was eaten in front of him. At least, Levi´s mother passed out as a human not a food for monster. 

That night… he did not want to be alone. He felt at peace with the brat for the very first time since that disaster and he was little afraid that it will dissappear and that two of them would be the same next more than they were just few hours ago. He could understand that Eren felt the same. He shuddered when he thought about that stupid cage of Eren´s– it could not help the psyche of that brat either. Well, with him he was supervised, so the rules were not broken. Erwin could piss off right now.  
Somehow, that kid ended at his couch, curled onto small ball. He looked even younger that normally with his face relaxed and his body without tension in his muscles.. Levi had even more problems to not think about him like about kid anymore. But after what Armin said before… after what was said today between them...  
It was funny that not a big gestures were needed to get better. Just talking. And although it still hurt, it was tolerable.

And somehow, Levi covered him with his blanket – it needed to be washed anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not satisfied with this chapter at all but I have rewritten it at least twice and I just cannot anymore and it is just... ah. Just let me know if it was as big mess as I thought about it to be.  
> Next time I am gonna give you break, sweethearts - it is time for some wibbly-wobbly timey-whimey bonding (well, Levi´s version of bonding).
> 
> See ya! :)


	10. Chapter 9 - The girl scared of spiders

“Now listen, you little shit. This is highly important.”

Levi put a layout of their building on the ground, weighing it down with some stones. Sun was shining, warming their backs and necks pleasantly and soft breeze was blowing – it was ideal day for this, Levi realised, satisfied with his choice.  
“This is how we do it.”  
And you know why it was ideal?  
Because washed clothes will dry _fucking_ quickly.  
“Every one of you will be responsible for one floor. I will split other cadets to the teams. You will be in charge of them and I don´t want to hear about any problems with cooperation. Don´t make me regret I trusted you with this. Understood?”  
“Yes, sir!” they said in unison. Right.   
“Next. To do this effective you need to start with webs and spiders – there are fucking army of them. Then you will sweep up floors. Make sure that window will be open during it otherwise it will be pointless. Then wash the floor and furniture if necessary. In the end, wash the windows and make sure that they are spotless. Then bring the laundry to the laundry room. There will be special team which will have duty there for all day long.” (it was probably the longest speech he gave them since they have become his brats) 

“Eren, what the fuck is wrong with you?”  
He had the right to ask – that brat was making strange faces while looking at Mikasa, his arms shaking.   
“Stop that,” murmured Mikasa, staring at him, “idiot.”  
Then Eren burst into open laugh, heart felt one with closed eyes. Armin just sighed.   
“Explain,” said Levi to the Eren ignoring the fact that he was even aware how the brat usually laughts.  
“Well, my sister is scared of spiders, sir. And when I say scared I mean.... frightened.”   
“I am not!” she protested, clearly sulking, half of her face hidden behind her scarf.  
“You are joking, right?” Levi blinked, looking at her funnily, “you are killing fucking _titans_ and-“  
“It is right. We even caught some spiders and showed them to her as kids. Don’t ask why we thought it would help her to with her fear..”  
“Let me guess. It did not," he grunted, somehow bemused against his own will.   
“No,” confirmed the blond with small nostalgic smile, “she smacked Eren with the broom and hid the book I was reading. I could not find it for a week.”  
Levi was willing to bet that the idea was Eren´s.   
And when the brat run with the huge grin on his face and Mikasa on his heels, he was absolutely sure.   
Brats.  
But at least, he finally had seen some other reaction from Mikasa than sulking/cold shoulder/ I am going to kill them mode?  
“Tell Eren he will clean spider webs instead of Mikasa.”  
Armin smiled at him gratefully.. “Of course.”  
*** ***   
That was fucking _high_.

Levi was trying to find out how to get down that fucking bucket down without making idiot of himself in front of the brats who were cleaning kitchen with him. And he needed the bucket which was on the shelf which was just fucking out from his reach.  
And when you realize that he usually had to stand on his tip toes even to stroke head of his horse…  
Eren chucked behind him.   
“Fine. Give me that thing, you tall piece of shit.”  
“Of course, sir!” That idiot _saluted_ him. What the-  
“Auch! What was that for?” he cried aloud when Levi hit him with the bucket on the head.   
“Just to make sure that your head is not completely empty. I did not heard echo, so we are safe here.”

When he heard a pair of chuckling behind - especially paying attention to Armin and his mood (nobody could really blame him) him he felt probably smuggler that he should.   
*** *** ***   
Somewhere deep down, _very_ , very deep down, Levi still believed in justice.   
“Oi, Eren.”  
Justice just sometimes need little help, that´s all.  
The brat blinked, clearly surprised. His face and hair were practically covered with dust and fucking spider webs. Disgusting.   
“Bow your head.”  
When the brat did as he was told, Levi spilled water from his bucket at Eren´s head.  
“HEY!” the brat yelled, jumping away from him, spilling water around himself like a dog.  
“Your head was full of webs. Others are wearing cloth on their heads for the reason, brat. Now go somewhere on the sun to dry up.”

“Sir, was it necessary?” asked Mikasa when her brother was out of the shot. She was not smirking, not really, but now Levi was able to tell that she was amused.  
“Not really,” he admitted, “but it was worth it. He will think twice before he will tease you again.”  
*** *** ***   
They were cleaning for hour or two – it was time of lunch so a lot of people were sitting outside, taking a break although he, Mikasa and Armin continued in their work, chatting quietly. Levi allowed that and even added his own input sometimes.  
Then he heard it.  
Croaking.

“Take a break, you two. I will be right back.”  
When he got to the courtyard Eren was already sitting on the stairs, crow hovering at his arm.   
The contrast between him and Armin with crow was almost funny – while Armin was tense, tolerating the bird for sake of his friend and because of its benefits for army, Eren was completely relaxed with the animal, natural, slowly stroking its feathers just for pure joy of act himself, bonding with the animal. His face was also relaxed and his features once not marked with anger or determination… he looked so much different. The animal was obviously enjoying that attention, too. 

Levi was almost hesitant to disturb them.   
“Isn´t that bird bigger?”  
Eren nodded to him in greeting, “yes, sir. Before I did not realized how young it was when It hurt its wing.” He once again stroked head of the bird which croaked and softly pecked Eren´s numb. Eren chuckled, “when I think about it now, maybe he got hurt because he went out of the nest of his parents too soon. This birds are supposed to fly in group but it was alone.”  
“Young and restless? Birds of the feather flock together, then.”  
“Hey!” protested Eren but his protest died down when he saw that his captain is stroking a feathers of the crow carefully.   
“You really like animals, aren´t you?” he mentioned in murmur, picture of Levi sitting on his horse, murmuring something to its ear, clear in his mind.  
“They are easier to deal with than people, that´s all.”  
Eren chuckled.  
“May I ask a personal question, sir?” he said, still looking at his bird.   
“You can try but I don´t guarantee an answer.”  
“Why do you like cleaning so much?”  
Levi sighed. He considered to send the brat to the hell – it was not his business clearly – but when he realized that he knew about his mother so…  
That brat reserved a piece of his personal history in return.   
“I was living Underground until I joined Corps as you already know. It was… filthy. Dark. I prefer a place where I stay not to look like underground. Fresh air. ”   
“I… see.”

They were sitting quietly for a while. Levi was surprised when he realized that a communication with the brat is… comfortable in some sorts. He was glad that it did not disappeared after how difficult it was to gain it again between them- that comfort and easiness between them which they fought to gain yesterday. It was fragile truce between them but it was good point where to start.   
“Look at this!” he said while he took a nut from the pocket and gave it to bird.  
“What the-“  
The crow jumped from Eren´s arm and flew. When it was located above path for the wagons it let a nut to fall on the stone path with crack. In that moment also wagon went through it, completely destroying the nutshell, revealing a nut inside. The crow sat on the path, carefully eating the nut with its beak, croaking happily.   
“You are shitting me.”  
“I reacted similarly when I saw that for the first time,” he said and grinned at him.  
And then grin… it reminded him someone. 

But Levi forgot that when the crow sit on the Eren´s arm again just a minutes before someone run from the building, yelling with rage. And his face was… defaced?  
“Horseface?” asked Eren, bewildered. It was that soldier who upset Eren before, realised Levi suddenly.   
He was yelling at top of his lungs clearly aiming to the water well to clean his face. Practically all soldiers were laughing at him in good humor and Mikasa and Armin were even not trying to hide their brushes.   
Well, not the most mature behaviour but…   
Levi liked when people played dirty. Side of his mouth lifted up against his own will. This was good for all of them, he though when he saw Eren giggling. Both he and Eren needed this after so much tension between them.   
Well, cleaning was good in more than just one way.  
*** *** ***   
_“What the heck are you just talking about, brat?”  
“We could have lured my big brother with the broom!”_

Because grieve is just like that. Attacking you when you don´t expect it.   
Leaving even the humanity strongest shaking in his bed, his body covered in the cold sweat. 

“Isabel…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I promised some bonding time, yeah? They needed some break from all of that drama anyway :)   
> And... sorry for such sour end, darlings. It could not it avoided... not really. We all know how this universe works.


	11. Chapter 10 - Grief counsellor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wished they would not live in the sick world where promise of killing would calm the brat down more than a promise of protecting him.

Thanks walls for that, next few days were uneventful.

They continued their training and to be honest, Levi was grateful for every dull day – they needed it after that last tense days.   
Captain made sure to eat his meals and communicate with the brats daily no matter of how much work he had – it was still just duty for him but he had to admit to himself that not a unpleasant one. Sometimes they really had valid points to add and by every meal, their communication with him was more and more natural which was good. They need to trust each other during expedition to rely on each other. 

He also did it best to strength their team work with every combat exercise you could think of although it was not really necessary. Brats only needed to find sync with him as their commander – they grew up together as he learnt from Mikasa and it was evident in their interaction. Armin and Eren practically from infants and the girl… let´s say that her and Eren´s story was a disturbing one. But at least now he could understand why was Mikasa so fixated on Eren.

“He is my family. Armin too, I just want to protect them,” she said bluntly to him during one dinner. After that statement Armin put hand on her shoulder in silent support and Eren smiled at her softly, both men completely unashamed of affection and close bond between three of them. Like every soldier aware of how precious moments like this one should. Levi nodded approvingly. 

With Armin things were simple these days – Levi did not need so much help with his grammar like before (vocabulary of reports really wasn´t the richest one) so instead of that captain let the blond read old reports about their tactics in past operations, encouraging him to ask or pinpoint mistakes they did not see that time. For the very first time in his life Levi was glad that he had written that shit down as Erwin told him.   
Speaking about the devil – Levi was playing with the idea of transferring Armin under Erwin during chancellor ´s shifts. Erwin was better strategist than Levi (he was just ordinary soldier when it came to it). Armin would grow into capable strategist under Erwin.   
And Eren…  
The brat was not just a brat but it still felt right to beat a living shit out of him.

“Once again, why did I have agreed with this?” moaned Eren after particularly nasty punch to his gut, but stood up without other complain with that insanely stubborn grin of his, looking straight to his eyes in clear challenge.   
After that night Levi saw admiration and warmth in Eren´s eyes again. It somehow made things so much easier for Levi and-   
“Because your technique is shit, brat. You can´t just punch everything around you and hope for the best although it worked good enough for you until now. Remember, the most painful injuries are around abdomen. If you hit hard again or stab human there with knife or narrow the death will be slow and painful. Once again.”  
Levi wanted to slap himself that he did not realised it sooner - Eren would probably be in his titan form most of the times on the field as soon as he would learn how to control that form. Which meant that his training with engine did not matter anymore.   
But his hand to hand combat technique…

This time Levi did make sure not just let the kid punch everything around him by instinct but to teach him actual advanced techniques – all moves he knew from academy and from streets of Underworld. He took time to show him how to use certain techniques to kill effectively without using more energy than necessary and even going that far that practice moves which he has been shown by Annie but never had opportunity to get really familiar with them. 

For some stupid reason they sat still side by side behind the table every evening. When Levi had patrol (it was just a formality when they were not on open air but they need to keep a high moral) Eren always accompanied him, talking with him in hushed tones. They talked… a lot. Sometimes the crow sat at Eren´s arm comfortably all the time. Levi liked that nights - it reminded him of their days in old squat, but each passing day, it was less and less painful feeling.

Both of them were gaining back their roles to each other - Levi as grumpy tutor and Eren as stubborn student. It made both of them less jumpy and insecure.   
Eren continued the crow´s training as messenger. Nowdays Erwin was testing it, sending Levi or Eren short not really important messages from the base where he returned just week before. This far it worked perfectly.  
But when the crow tapped at his window few days after he wished it would not worked so well.   
He knew it was coming – they were out of fight for almost a month – but it did not make it less… shitty.

“ _Try transformation with Eren. I expect full report. Erwin.”_  
Erwin was trying to buy them more time, he knew, but still…

“Go to the hell with this.”  
*** *** *** 

Once Hanji gave him a book.   
They did it for everyone who seemed to be in shit somehow - broken hearts, death, sadness - it was just their way how to show they cared. But he found it much much later.   
He did not know what to think about small book named _The Little Prince._ He felt almost offended - it seemed like book for a kid. But he read it anyway.   
And he did so many times since then. 

Always in private though - much later he found out that said book is a contraband. One of those books which remained from times before titans, prohibited one. He rather did not ask - if he learnt when he needed to shut up and just go with the flow.   
He did not think about that book for months so he was rather surprised when thought about baobabs - all of things! - popped into his head when he was looking at a shifter in front of him.

_Well, at least today nobody dropped their fucking spoon?_

“I did not asked for this! I AM NOT A MONSTER!” the boy cried aloud, on his knees, clearly upset with his inability to transform on command - _again._ Levi sighed.  
Nobody approached to calm him. Nobody put hand on his shoulder.

“You are what you are. Deal with it,” he spoke calmly. It was the truth he had to accept long time ago.   
Then he turned and left, leaving the boy behind. 

*** *** ***   
Levi was man who believed his instincts fully.   
So when they told him to read chapter about baobabs again, he did so with no question. He was out of ideas otherwise anyway - he did not know how to face brat´s problems. He was not fucking grief counsellor - most of times he even did not know how to help himself. 

_Fuck you, Erwin, and your stupid ideas. I am not good for these teens._  
Only thing which calmed him down a little was a fact that Hanji gave Erwin _Kamasutra_ \- all of things.

*** *** ***   
It was dark there. Even for Levi who was used to the lack of light half of his life in Underworld.  
“You did not want to transform, did you,” he said too tired for chit-chat. 

Levi put his hands at the bars of cell which was locked. He did not need to ask why Eren chosen to get down here although he had at least two hours before he had to.   
“I… wanted,” he heard a murmur from the bunch on the bed after a long while. Levi sighed – he did not see Eren´s teenage angst in the while and he certainly did not miss it.   
When Eren said no more, Levi lost his patience, “I know you have candle here, brat.”  
And Eren did as he was told even without further instructions - he stood and gave candle to Levi who kindled it with torch nearby and then he put it between two of them. Better.   
“So what it was about?” he asked, not really sure how to approach today´s events.   
“I don´t really know, sir.”  
“I am asking again. What it was about? Talk with me, shitty brat. If you don´t transform you are good for nothing and-“  
“I know! I _know_ that!” he yelled, “it´s just…” 

_You are one of those who stayed and fought. You always did, no matter how stupid it seemed to be. You are part of this madness as much as I am so let me fucking help you._  
Eren looked at him and Levi was surprised how serious the brat seemed to be, “ last time I transformed they… they... “  
 _They all died. Their group died._  
Oh, grief has really unexpected ways how to show. What a baobab it was. 

“Do I look I can´t take down one titan, brat?” he asked him calmly.   
“No, sir.”  
“So what was the point? You transform and kill titans or their death was for nothing. They believed in you. It´s that easy.”   
Another long silence. It seemed that this conversation would be full of them.   
“I don´t want to hurt you. I don´t want to be a monster more than I already am,” he whispered, clearly ashamed.   
Sometimes Levi still not understood the brat. 

“You really think that only your ability to transform and kill determine if you are human?”  
The silence was all confirmation he needed.  
Levi leaned into Eren´s cell, resting his head on the bars in attempt to get closer to the miserable bunch sitting at the floor nearly in fetal position (so vulnerable...), “listen, brat. You are human , no matter what they say. Understand?”  
“Sir-“  
“You mourn, you try and you do many stupid mistakes. But you genuinely try. That´s human enough to me.”   
“But not enough for them. It would never be enough,” he protested weakly.   
“Then why you bother with them if result still would be a same?”   
For that only other silence was an answer. 

 

He sighed, “now wait for me until I will come back with the keys because I really don´t have other sentimental shit to throw at you to calm you down. But no way you will spend the night here in your state tonight,” he murmured to himself, clearly out of his debt. “And what about your hands?” he asked, surprised when he was bandages still on Eren´s hands. That stupid brat tried to hide them quickly behind his back.  
“Oh, it´s nothing, sir. When I do something to myself willingly… it won´t heal so quickly.”

Well fucking _great_. Levi nearly flitched when he remembered how much of his flesh Eren just chewed out in his attempt to transform – at one point he saw his bones, for fucking sake. Why nobody told him about that?   
“I will also bring new bandages.”  
“You don´t need to. It won´t affect my ability to transform so -“  
“Does no matter.As long as it is not healed it will be threaten as normal injury. Now stop that nagging.”  
He turned around, trying to remember who the fuck was exactly in charge of Eren tonight and held the key from that fucking hole when the boy piped again, “sir?”  
“What is it now, brat?”

“Please,” he choked. Levi turned in surprise – he hoped that both of them had enough angst for one day and he has never heard such a sound from brat before. “Please, promise me. Promise me that if I... lose control if… whispers… will control me… you will kill me. _Please_.”  
“Whispers? What the fuck?”

“Does not matter. you promise me, sir. You always say only truth no matter how much it hurt and only you would do what´s necessary. Please. You have to.”  
Levi blinked – in the shallow light of that small candle Eren looked like broken kid, not like the soldier or that brat who was talking with him with the soft smile for his bird.   
But… would a kid beg so desperately for its death?

Also... it shocked hihow quickly could the brat change, to adapt. From angry kid to tender friend, from scared man to someone who begged him to protect others although it would cost the teen his life, sacrificing everything. Levi was not used to that and probably would never been. 

“I... promise. It was first thing I practically told you, remember?”  
After that, Eren´s eyes shone in the light, suddenly more colourful again – something between green or blue Levi did not know, but full of life – determined. It was Eren he knew again – angry teen desperate to fight. He was not right but he was ready to continue. Fucking baobabs and its deep roots.   
“But I want you to transform next time. You need to believe in me more. I keep my promises kid, no matter of costs.”   
“I know,” answered Eren softly, “I know...”

Levi turned and left. it was suddendly too much and he was only human, too. 

He wished they would not live in the sick world where promise of killing would calm the brat down more than a promise of protecting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I really love The Little Prince. Please, do yourself a big favor and read that book - it still makes me cry sometimes when I lose my way in life (and I have read it in too many languages and too many times to really admit and still...)
> 
> What do you think about this chapter? It was harsh and without too much of building of tension but I wanted to get as close to the Levi´s POV as possible, he probably would "cut out the crap" or something like that.
> 
> Do you have any ideas? Suggestions? Just let me know! :) :)


	12. Chapter 11 - Out of breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First official mission of new squat

“Our mission is actually quite simple. Refill supplies for other units in buildings which were agreed on and then going back.”  
Next day Eren pretended that they talk about humanity did not happened at all. Levi was glad. 

It was just two months since Eren restored wall Maria for them and although his act was considered to be the first win of humanity against titans in centuries, it was actually far from that – Eren only blocked more titans to come. The wall Maria was still full of them with no chance of civilians surviving there.

The brat by his side looked startled, “why did not they killed them already? What are they waiting for?”   
“For solid plan, I would say,” answered Armin from horseback instead of Levi, his fingers resting on his chin, clearly thinking, “that´s the reason why we put supplies on certain spots. Regiments are preparing to go here for longer period of time to clean wall from titans but for that they need a food and equipment.”  
“Exactly,” answered Levi, checking wagons full of supplies with his heavy stare– their group was guarding five of them. Levi and his three brats were on the front, other six scouts by the side of wagons and other three at the end. Thirteen people altogether with him. He personally knew only his brats and that shit who bickered with Eren so much. “But there is also another reason for waiting. Lack of soldiers,” he added.

That was just plain fact – during battle for wall Maria they lost half of their soldiers. It was right step strategically, Levi was well aware that Erwin did the best decision possible, but it was still step which cost them dearly.  
For survivors – Corps there were other tasks to fulfil which needed their immediate attention. Resurrection of wall Maria could wait for month or two.   
“But it gets better. Actually, thanks to you, Eren,” he said to the man by his side, “the fact that we have titan soldier in our army is good advertisement which Erwin used as advantage. We have never had as many rookies in corps as this year. But it takes time to train them.”  
“You know that could clean wall Maria in day or two in my titan form, right?” asked him Eren hesitantly, clearly uncomfortable with his position as attraction for army rookies. It was paradox, really, if you considered that majority of soldiers were alarmed and even spiteful of Eren - but, well, for civilians who never have seen how scary Eren´s titan is, the brat´s ability was really symbol of hope. _You should use to it, brat. That kids want to be heroes and when they realise what it is about, it is too late. but that´s not our problem._

“Yes, mainly when you can fucking transform when you want to,” he said sarcastically but when he saw how much Eren paled, he hesitantly added, “this will wait for rookies. It is actually as close as we can get to controlled circumstances to really train them. I would appreciate if I got soldiers who don´t piss their pants the first time they see the real titan.” It was not safe, of course not, but there was nothing safe in their world. But this should prepare that ones who survive and their chances would be higher then behind the walls – thanks to the many building they have enough surface to use gear. Also this time there would be at least one older soldier as guide for every rookie. So… walls help causalities because Erwin did his best to prevent them. “Just do what Erwin says. That bastard knows what he is doing.”  
The fact that once Erwin used his name – Humanity´s strongest – to gain recruits whose half died just in their first year Levi did not say. What was done was done – and it will be done again.  
There was at least one good thing after their last conversation in cell - Eren trusted him fully after that.   
“I will play my part if you say so, sir.”

They were silent for a long time then, only sound of horses´ hooves as their company. Evidently, he said something wrong because faces of the brats were grim – even Mikasa´s who was quiet most of the times but at least expressionless.   
Only when Levi started to look for a place to spend the night – they were currently in the forest. They will get through wall Maria tomorrow so Levi wanted all soldiers to get as much sleep in safety as possible before they go willingly to the places where sleep will be luxury.   
Mikasa suddenly asked, “who exactly is Hanji?”  
“Shitty glasses. Scientist of sorts. She wants to see Eren.”  
Mikasa nodded.   
“Take a tent from wagons – we cannot build too many fires and nights are already too cold for sleep under the stars with no protection.”  
“Yes, sir.”   
The evening itself was then uneventful – cleaning the horses, building the tents. Time moved quickly – before he knew it was dark and he was sitting by the fire looking at the maps, planning. There were five spots which they were supposed to check. Not too much work although places were far from each other – with wagons which slowed them down it would take three days or so. Levi was not willing to split up although it would be faster – he did not know these soldiers well enough to be sure they would not panic.   
Well, at least, there are not expected to fight – actually they should avoid it this time. Just preparing things for other soldiers and get back. 

“Sir,” said someone. Levi looked up to see Eren standing with two bowls in his hands. He was too deep in his thoughts to realize him approaching the fire, “you should eat something too.”  
Captain blinked. It was not common for people to bring him the food, “thanks, brat. Your sister and Armin?”  
“Already sleeping in their tent, sir.”  
“Then sit down and eat.”  
The brat did as he was told, minding his own business although looking at him curiously by corner of his eye. Levi took a spoon of soup absentmindedly, still checking maps, but then he blinked in surprise again – the soup tasted entirely different than that shit which they ate normally, fresh and little spicy, “what have you done to it, brat?” he asked suspiciously.   
“Just a few herbs, sir, and salt. It should be better but-“  
“It is. Thanks.”  
Eren grinned, “yeah. I don´t do a step without my herbs, sir. Actually I am really excited about this expedition. It is know that in the wall Maria are some herbs which are difficult to find otherwise.”  
“Your father taught you well.” And he meant it. Before this he did not fully realised how much passion Eren had for herbs, his extent in area in which Levi was completely lost. It was good to see that the brat could save lives in other way that just killing. _You are not just killing machine. How could not you see that?_  
They continued to talk like that without Levi realising how the time was running, talking about everything at nothing at once. It was relaxing… it was normal. It was something both of them needed in their hectic lives.   
It was surprise for Levi how thoughtful Eren could be when he is not in rage because of killing titans. When he firstly read his file, even before he accepted him as a part of his former squat, it was said that Eren is loyal and passionate but it cannot explained the extent of his loyalty to his friends (that brat never once laid down before Armin and Mikasa when their where at open area) or his passion for his herbs and new places. Everything about him was screaming freedom and will to fight, even after everything what he had been through, and Levi was slowly starting to respect him for that. 

The brat was maturing quickly. Or maybe just Levi has too many prejudices before.   
So when the brat shyly asked if he can share tent with him – he was surprised that the brat did not want to share with someone else – he did not protest, not really. There was no reason for that. 

It was strange to have living creature so close to him in so vulnerable state. Levi realised it only after he put _The Little Prince_ down , not bothering to hide it from Eren in their tent. But oh, when he put it down and blew the candle…   
Features and limbs completely relaxed, only rising and falling of chest covered by the cloak. It was too dark in the tent to see anything but still, Levi saw because how small the tent was. It was relaxing to some extent, calling to his primal instincts. Simple. Right.   
Levi wondered how long it was since he took somebody – friend, lover, does not matter – into his bed. Maybe too long- the sensations were so unfamiliar that he was hyperaware of Eren´s heat, too much and still not enough.

After the time which seemed like eternity Levi raised his hand, slowly and carefully, with hesitancy which humanity´s strongest – the very best of their soldiers - did not show in long time. He touched Eren´s cheek with his index and middle finger, barely the touch at all, only his fingertips at boy´s skin. He felt Eren´s soft breath on his wrist and that startled him somehow.   
In the daylight he would not dare to do this. Fuck, he would not even let himself to think in this way, to appreciate such a small mundane moment. He was well aware that tomorrow he will pretend that this was just some strange dream, something muddled and twisted, out of Levi´s confused reach. 

“What the hell is going on, brat?” he whispered, bewildered, out of breath. Eren even not stirred, deeply in his own dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I said slow build and I mean it - to get here it took 50 pages. You are welcome.  
> Next time some actions is waiting for us. 
> 
> What do you think about development between Eren and Levi? Please, let me know any of your ideas! :)


	13. Chapter 12 - My Wings of Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission continues...

Next day started uneventfully. 

Both of them woke up at the sunrise and started to pack things without too much talking. Levi found some comfort in simple routine which two of them already have had when packing was concerned. Both of them knew exactly what to do, who was supposed to pack the tent and who should prepare their horses without being in each others ways, moving around one another with ease. That routine was really soothing for Levi´s tense nerves. World seemed normal again and yesterday´s night with long hours waiting for sleep in small tent even more surreal. 

They were supposed to eat quick breakfast and started out – daylight was too precious to be wasted – when he saw Eren giving Mikasa and Armin cups with pouring water. Both of them did not questioned it and drunk the stuff, obviously familiar with the drink.  
Levi stirred – for sake of walls, is that… _tea?_

The brat approached him with the same thing, answering captain´s obvious question.  
“It is just water with needles and rosehips. We drink that stuff to avoid flu and cold in this weather.”  
Levi took careful sip and cough after it, grimacing, “it tastes like a shit.”  
Eren grimaced as well, “I know. But it does its work. It does not do well for soldiers to sleep at ground this close to the winter.”  
The brat was right, obviously – but it cannot be helped. Soldiers just have to get used to the nearly constant sniffle during autumn and winter. Damn, just today Levi heard more sniffling that he would like.  
“Give that stuff to others, too. Sick soldier is a bad soldier.”  
Eren said nothing - Levi was around him long enough to know that there was some problem.  
“What is it, brat?” he asked.  
“Sir... you will have to say them that is was your idea, not mine. Otherwise they would not drink it.”  
Levi blinked it surprise. Are the soldiers really so… hostile towards Eren? 

And for the sake of walls, why the brat did not say something to him about it?  
_Should I do something about it?_  
But when Eren offered no further explanation or comment, clearly dismissing it, Levi let it be, too - it was can full of mess which he did not want to kick until Eren tell him to. It was his thing and problem, after all. And to be honest… there was just a little what Levi could do to help him with distrust of comrades.  
Although he was surprised that the brat actually managed to avoid any complaining about it. 

“Fine. Go and pack your things.”

The brat saluted him, “yes, sir!”  
*** *** ***  
When they made it through the wall Maria, they practically felt the death in the air.

Or maybe a putrefying corpses of citizens who never had a proper burial. Or maybe they were just paranoid.  
One way or another, the childish plays ended.  
He thought about what he should say to the brats – to all soldiers who were relaying on his orders this time – to encourage them. To remind them that they offered their hearts to the right thing no matter how this would end because they decided to fight back. They were not just pray anymore and for that, they had Levi´s respect although he did not show it often. 

 

“Don´t the fucking dare to get killed. Understood?”  
He was not even sure if everyone heard him because of the horses but his three brats in unison said, “yes, sir!”  
And that was all what mattered.  
*** *** ***  
They reached first two spots without problems.  
Thanks walls for small mercies.  
Three spots left.

The most titans they saw were too far to smell fresh human flesh – actually the stench after corpses covered their scents good enough to avoid problems. As long as they stayed quiet they should be okay.  
He would never told that he would be glad for dead people around him. It was disturbing and it made him sick but it saved their lives that day.

They slept in the small buildings, but they did not dare to start a fire or even open the windows. Obviously, only lucky ones caught at least few hours of sleep. Levi did not slumber even for his usual three hours – he was fucking too alarmed for that although he was tired- spending most of the night talking with Eren in hushed tones. When the brat slept for hour or two, both of them lying in the floor, their backs touching the humanity´s strongest felt as content as one can when he is surrounded by monsters.  
He thought about the sea. About what Eren told him about it that night. About how hopeful he looked despite everything around them.  
Somewhere near them he occasionally heard a croak. That bird followed Eren even here.

The third day continued in the same manner. He led his group. Soldiers were too jumpy thanks to the lack of sleep – even he felt that his fatigue was just too strong even for insomniac. All of them were reaching for they gear just too often for Levi´s liking.  
“Nice and easy,” he murmured to them but to be honest, he wanted to kill some titans too.  
He just saw bigger picture.  
Sun was high and day was just too hot.  
And what happened next was not even human´s fault.

Some horse got scared by something and run from them. It would not be to bad but…  
It caught attention of titan.  
Seven meter´s high with long hair covering their neck and thin hands.  
“Mikasa, come! Armin, you are in charge! Continue!”  
“Captain, let me transform!” yelled Eren while his and Mikasa´s hook drove into the wall.  
“Stay in your human form. That´s the order,” he barked. They could not afford mistakes right now.

Mikasa followed him effortlessly and to be honest, it felt good to be in air again – the streets above them stink so much it nearly made Levi sick. Mikasa cut her legs while Levi ended it.  
“Nice,” he said to her when they landed at the roof in sync. For some reason they were able to follow each other without words on field.  
Mikasa smiled at him.  
The moment was broken when someone bellow them yelled – the first titan attracted the other three - these ones were bigger and faster than the first. Levi bared teeth in exasperation. Their missions were wagons but they were just too slow-  
“Let´s have some fun,” Mikasa said and hopped down, clearly expecting him to follow. The plan was obvious – kill that three. Keep the group safe without breaking their formation.  
Mikasa took the titan with the beard and thin legs, while he took bigger one with cringe smile.  
“Creepy guy, you don´t deserve to live with that on your face,” he said and watched how it fell down with satisfying hole in its neck. Meanwhile Mikasa ended the third one – easy kill for her, only four meters. 

He saw that group stayed at back horses and moved with wagons as planned, thank walls. But another group of titans was approaching – five of them – too much for Mikasa and him to kill without some of them getting too near to the group.  
Levi saw how Armin divided them – into two groups – only three of them continuing with wagons, others staying behind, leading titans into narrow streets where they would kill them easily with their gear and lack of space for that stupid monsters to move. The blond was in the group with wagons – he was the only one beside Levi who knew where they have to drop supplies.  
So Levi did what he knew the best – he was cutting and yelling orders, spinning in the air. His personal hell and heaven.  
When it ended he and Mikasa waited for comrades to come back. And they did although five of them were missing.  
One of them was the guy whose horse started this.  
When Levi realized whose face is missing in the crowd too, his heart skipped the beat.  
_Eren._

He wanted to order soldiers to start to look for him – he was their only shifter and fuck with everything – when he heard the familiar croaking.  
_The heck?_  
The bird landed at his arm with no warming and captain had to steady himself, little started since it was the first time when the bird landed at his arm willingly - before he reached for the thing on crow´s leg.  
Wings of freedom from their uniform. Of course. Of _fucking_ course- they had no paper nor ink to communicate so he has to use this.  
He throw his arm and crow flew away, back to his master.  
“Wings freedom, really?” someone muttered with the evident relief – the one Eren called horseface and Levi did not bothered to learn his name. They followed the croaking bird.

 _“What actually keeps you going, sir?”_  
“Freedom, brat. People are dying and world is cruel but… when I am in air with gear I feel free. Like I have my life in my hands. I know how dangerous it is but that kept me and my friends alive in Underworld. And that feeling… it is still enough.”  
It was more of that. Fresh air and stars so bright that it stole breathe even from someone as cynical as Levi. But how to put something like that into words?

But it seemed that Eren understood even without them.  
Fuck that all. As far as Levi´s opinion was concerned, only wings which were important enough for him right now were pitch black and led him to the certain brat with green eyes.  
*** *** ***  
It was just his gear.  
When that idiot admitted he did not checked his gear for four days Levi nearly stabbed him.  
But they were again sitting side by side during the night, Mikasa and Armin curled nearby.  
That brats did great today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be perfectly honest I was unproductive shit today - this is only useful thing I did today. Well, well. At least I hope you did great today.) Longer parts in cursive are usually Levi´s memories of his dialogues with Eren. 
> 
> Please, let me know what you think about this chapter :)


	14. Chapter 13 - Disturbed memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, it was nice to know that his brats are not afraid of him anymore.

It was just his gear.

When that idiot admitted he did not checked his gear for four days Levi nearly stabbed him.  
But they were again sitting side by side during the night, Mikasa and Armin curled nearby.  
That brats did great today.  
*** *** ***  
“It is nice to know that your positive attitude remained.”  
“Shut up and let me enjoy my tea, Shitty Glasses.” It gained him a full mouth laugh.  
And actually, he had to hide a chuckle himself – he was… almost content. He was finally in clean clothes, he had a bath and his three brats survived their first mission with him.  
He tried to not think about one soldier which they had lost – they did not discovered the body or at least gear, so the man was listed as missing… although everybody knew that it was as good as to be officially dead. Sometimes Levi hated that status – to be missing – it was giving false hope to the relatives. They deserved at least… honesty. They loved ones gave up their lives for their fight against titans after all. 

It was as good as it could be. Also, to see Hanji after long time lifted his mood – she was able to take his nagging without complain. He would never express that aloud of course - they would think that he is delirious - but he made sure to brew them they favourite tea with just a drop of rum.  
After Hanji discovered that titans are less active during night (it was two years ago) Erwin wholly assigned her to the research. Most of times she was in the headquarters with her experiments and trapped titans, trying to find other weak spots or information about creatures.  
And now with Eren – the titan shifter.

Speaking about the brat, he and his companions were sitting down just few tables behind his and Hanji´s. When Eren realised that Levi is nearby he nodded to him with small smile.  
Levi nodded back without hesitation. 

“You… like him?” Hanji asked, clearly surprised.  
“I… respect him. He and his friends are bearable,” he simply replied. They showed him that there is no need to babysit them most of the times. Levi also needed to admit that two months spent together… well, it did not seem like much but in the war and so many life-treating situations it felt far too long to stay impersonal.  
Levi was actually surprised that he saw them up from their beds so early – when they came here all of soldiers went right to their beds, exhausted to the bones (except for Eren who was ordered to oil his fucking gear properly before he would be allowed to rest). It was just free or four hours ago. He himself felt exceptionally tired although he knew his mind would not allow him to sleep – he was planning to do some paperwork. 

“Oh, sure you do! He looks like the sweetheart. But Levi, shifter, our first shifter! What possibilities! I have lot of experiments to do with him today!” Her eyes were shining and her cheeks red with excitement.  
“Tomorrow. Today you will let him rest. And his friends too.”  
“But Levi-“  
“My last word, shitty glasses. He is only human too.”  
“The point is that he is _not_.” But when Levi glared at her deadly (he was too fucking tired to deal with her shit right now) she chuckled and waved her hand in defeat, “you are already protective of them. It is almost like good old days,” her features suddenly softened, “but I am glad, to be honest.”  
What the hell she is talking about?  
She blinked at him like an owl, feeling his silent question, “you did not realised?”  
“Realised what, Glasses?” he asked.  
“That they are… like your first friends. At least in looks.”

 

Levi nearly could felt like his face paled “you can´t really expect – have you finally lost it?” he barked at her and hit the table with the china in his hand barely stopping himself to not break it into pieces.  
But when she mentioned it…  
Armin had hair like Farlan had. Mikasa is as sour and quiet as he is. And Eren… Eren´s grin look exactly like Isabel´s.

What. The. Fucking. Shit.

“I have not realised it before, “ he gritted, “I would never try to find fucking _substitutes-_ “  
“Levi it´s okay –“ she tried to calm him.  
“Is it?” he interrupted, standing up.  
She shrugged, “everybody deals with loss in other way. We are in war, for Walls. It´s not my place to judge.”  
He would never do that to them. he would _never_ -

But what if I started to like them because of their appearance subconsciously?  
For a sake of fucking Walls, this is insane-  
He left with pair of worried turtle eyes following him, his tea unfinished.  
*** *** ***  
It took him embarrassingly long to calm down at least a little. 

For the first time in his fucking life he was glad that he has so much paperwork to do – it kept him occupied. He was actually so focused that he nearly missed soft knock on his door.  
“Come in!” Levi said, little sharply. He had no intention to speak with someone today if it could be avoided. Also it was too late for someone expect of him to be actually awake.  
“Sir?” murmured Eren rubbing his eyes tiredly.  
“What the hell are you doing here, brat?” he asked him coldly. It talked a lot about them and about impact of time spend together that Eren did not even flitched.  
“I…” defeated sigh, “would you mind if I stay in your office for hour or so?” his fatigue made his filter between mouth and brain disappear completely, Levi told to himself.  
“That woman with glasses is following me practically everywhere, “ then the man who stand against fucking titans shivered, “please, sir. It is creepy.”  
Levi was looking at – staring – trying to decide if it is fucking joke or not. But when the brats yawned and rubbed his eyes again, Levi just sighed. Eren was just tired brat, that´s all. He knew nothing about that stupid conversation he had with Hanji. And...he actually did not know if he should be scarred or impressed that Shitty Glasses managed to scare Eren from all of people.

“Her name is Hanji. And take the couch and be quiet or I will kick you out.”  
“Yes, sir!” he answered and saluted him groggily. Levi would swear that the brat was asleep before his head hit the coach – not speaking about the fact that Levi allowed Eren to sit, not to lie on it but he would scold him about it later. Well, it was nice to know that Eren trusted his ability to scare Glasses so much.  
So when the half of hour later someone knocked again, Levi was fully prepared to send Shitty Glasses to the hell only to be surprised by blond head in his doorway.  
“What it is, Armin?”  
The blond closed door behind himself, “I have seen the light in your window so I came to ask if my assistance is not needed?”  
“Not really. Go to the bed,” Levi answered. After what Hanji told him that evening… he needed some time to process it. Some distance from them.  
It just hurt too much to realize how much alike his first friends and these brats were.

“With full respect… I would like to help, sir,” said Armin nervously, but this brat at least was coherent enough to be nervous in comparison with Eren sleeping at his coach. Also, very very distantly Levi was glad that Armin was bold enough this time to express his disagreement.  
But the blond looked somehow pale and his eyes were hollow although he tried his best to hide it. And no matter how harsh Levi usually was, he cared enough to cooperate when it was really necessary. 

Walls damn it all. Especially his duty to actually talk with these brats.  
And especially this one - Armin was just too soft for the army but his mind too brilliant for kid to lost it completely just because Levi was not in mood for talking.  
He did not really know what it was all about with Armin – but he got some idea when Armin asked him about names of soldiers who got missed during their last action. _First soldiers lost under Armin´s direct command. _Eh. Levi noted to himself to mention this to Eren in hope that brat would cuddle Armin to the death or something, anything to comfort him properly.__

Levi wanted to tell something to sooth that expression in Armin´s eyes – but there was nothing to say. They were just first from many.  
“You did your best. It was not your fault,” he added, although he knew that it did not helped.  
He did not know the names of that soldiers.  
When the third knock on his door came he even did not sigh. 

Mikasa looked at her brother snoring softly and Armin organizing his papers and only then at him, “you can´t mind me here much if these two are in your office already.”  
After they found out how compatible two of them were during the fight both of them somehow got more comfortable around one another. Also, the girl always talked to the point and used logic as much as Levi did. Usually her comments were to the point so he started to respect her but…  
He hated that she was right in the times like this. 

“Sit,” he practically barked. She needed no more – she approached the coach occupied by Eren, lifted his legs effortlessly (that brat did not even stirred) and put them in her lap. Then he just looked ahead like a soldier she was – patient and clearly at ease with her beloved ones under her watch. But he saw that Armin smiled at that scene so he let it be. These brats already knew him too well to be scared of him anymore.  
Then it suddenly hit him.  
Hanji was not right. Not really. 

Armin and Farlan both had light hair that was very true. But Farlan´s were actually darker. Also, he was better soldier than Armin although Armin was better strategist than his death friend. And yes, Farlan was intelligent – most of their plans in Underworld were Farlan´s - but he had to admit that Armin was… better.  
Eren and Isabel… their grins were absolutely alike – it was actually creepy when one realised it. Both of them were very bolt and stubborn but there the similarities ended – Isabel was too young when she died to develop and have interest like Eren already had – animals and herbs. As far as he knew, Isabel´s attention span was even shorter than Eren´s and she would not have patience with herbs. Also… she was naïve which was reason why he tolerated that she considered him to be his older brother.  
And parallel between him and Mikasa… it did not bothered him much although there was much which they shared – ability to fight as best ones in Corps, bluntness and some… rawness. But… although he did not thought about it before and he had no desire to discuss it with Mikasa… they actually may be a family. By last name at least. But it did not change anything between them even though he was sure that Mikasa realised their shared surname too. 

So that was it. These persons were unique in their own ways as much as Farlan and Isabel were. Hanji could piss of with their theories.  
So when he woke up few hours later (actually with full five hours of sleep instead of three) with his head on the table and his office empty with Eren´s jacket at his soldiers – he knew it was Eren´s because one badge of wings of freedom was still missing at it – he was far less pissed than he would and should be. Memory of his beloved ones stayed undisturbed. Painful, oh so fucking painful but… clear.  
But who knows as long his strangely good mood will last. But with Hanji and her plans for Eren? 

He would be probably pissed before his first cup of tea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, I am curious here - in your opinion, would it be okay if Levi REALLY started like Eren and Armin because they looked familiar to Farlan and Isabel? I mean morally? Is it okay to like someone at the beginning of something just because they remind you someone you had lost?


	15. Chapter 14 - Dangerous comrades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that day Levi thought a lot. Thought how cruel even your closest friends could be.

“You should not let them do this to you, Eren!” it was Mikasa´s voice clearly - she was disturbed by something. Levi could tell although he did not know why.  
She was standing in front of man´s bath - Eren was in front of her, putting his T-shirt on.  
Levi saw bruises on his ribs by the corner of his eye. Just for a second.  
“It does not matter,” he only said, “it will heal in minute.”  
“Eren!” 

_Soldiers… did this to you in showers? And you said nothing to me about it?_  
*** *** ***  
When he came to Eren´s cell the next day the brat was already awake although immobile in his chains. Levi did not asked who put him there even though it was his duty to do so - yesterday he just could not-.  
The brat was grim and pale, “I am going to transform today, am I right, sir?”  
“Probably,” nodded older man while he was unlocking Eren´s chains. The basement was cold as fuck – only reason why Eren was able to exist here was that he was human furnace as Levi found out during nights in shared tent. “Here, take your jacket. And make sure to repair it, brat.”

_I will be there, brat, so don´t worry too much._

Levi was still thinking about that situation in showers - about how many times it happened before this encounter. Evidently, Eren ordered Mikasa and Armin to shut up about it even before Levi. Honestly, it disturbed him - brat should not be going through this no matter of his ability to heal.  
How much other soldiers actually hated him? How isolated Eren felt because of it? In army, only security you have are your comrades, that fact you know they will try their best to save you and have your back. Without it...

Levi could do nothing to repair that for Eren. Any order or suggestion would let to the conclusion that Eren told him about that and it would only lead to the worse treatment.  
_To the hell with this._  
Luckily, the brat used his brain once in the while these days and nodded while he was putting on his uniform – shyness was the first thing which you lose in barracks.  
“Let´s do this.”  
*** *** ***  
Actually, they did not need to worry about transformation today.  
Or maybe they should wished that Hanji told them that Eren was going to transform. 

Because when they knocked on the door of her laboratory she greeted them with grim look on their face, no jokes, no friendliness.  
“No, you are not going to show me your titan today,” she muttered, clearly disappointed, “I need to do other experiments with you today, “hesitation, “ and it will be only two of us actually. Sorry, Levi. Erwin´s orders.”  
Levi felt something cold in his gut. _Not this…_  
“Sir?” asked the brat, clearly confused.  
And oh, how much Levi wanted to stay. But order from Erwin was order from Erwin. He respected said man and was willing to die by his side but he never forgot that this man broke many men, many wills to obedience…. Including his.And fact that for that Erwin had not only Levi´s submission but also his trust was one twisted story itself, but not for now.  
“Come to me as soon as Hanji is done with you,” he ordered, looking into the brat´s eyes. Blue and green, green and blue.  
“Understood,” he answered. Levi turned and…  
Left.  
Order was order.  
“I am so sorry,” he heard Hanji to say.  
*** *** ***  
_“Don´t you want family? kids? I mean, eventually?”  
“Do I look like fucking family man to you?”_

Levi sat in his office for two hours filling his papers. He told Armin and Mikasa to train – he did not want them to know what´s going on.  
Someone knocked. Softly.  
When he opened the door, Eren was standing in front him quietly.  
At the first sight everything was okay – only when you looked closely you saw that the boy was too pale and his expressive eyes hollow. He was also shivering.  
Levi took him inside, “ take your shirt off,” he ordered.  
“Sir… it is not necessary? I am cold,” he tried to protest. And Levi believed him even though he did not shiver even during the coldest nights – but he did not want to know how massive his blood loss was that he felt cold.  
“Do it.”  
He needed to see how much-  
_For the sake of Walls._

Eren was mess. His torso covered in bruises – yellow and angry black especially around his ribs which had to be broken. He had still bleeding nasty wound on his right hip. His arms were full of cuts which were almost clinical – shallow around his wrists but deeper and deeper the closer his neck were.  
In front of his eyes these things continues to heal – steam visible in the air around Eren – and Levi understood that it was needed to be done, they needed reports full of information for Police and court or they would kill Eren otherwise – he knew that nor Erwin nor Hanji liked it, they were lot of things but not masochists - but it did not mean Levi liked or even accepted this.  
Actually it almost surprised him how angry he was.

 _The very first thing you did was that you beaten him even worse that this. You made him choke in his own blood and saliva so why are you angry that someone did the same?_  
“They explained. And said that they were sorry,” he pipped.  
“Sit down,” he ordered, nearly barked. He took some sponge and water and sat behind the brat, starting to clean dirt and blood from his back which looked almost worse that his torso.  
“Sir, you don´t have to-“  
_“Shut up.”_  
He did at he was told and Levi methodically cleaned that mess, trying to calm down. Did he even have right to be mad?  
“The cuts on your right forearm are different,” he noticed in attempt to distract himself.  
“Oh. They are actually from crow´s claws, sir. I have seen no point in using glove – it would heal quickly anyway,” he said somehow reserved.  
“You will use it. Avoid harm when you can.”  
“Is there any point in that?” he asked.  
Is this… the point which Erwin wanted to achieve? To Eren start to think about himself only just like a tool, something without right to protect himself from damage, willing to be used and thrown away?  
He should ask Erwin about his intentions or opinion before he gave any answer. Eren was too important figure to be biased by opposite opinions of his superiors and still...  
“Yes. Treat yourself like human you are.”  
Levi just could not do that to this brat.  
“You still believe that I am worthy of that?”

That brat was bombarded by pain from everyone - Levi, Hanji, his fucking comrades - so Levi was not really surprised that he started to think in such a manner. He did not like it - Eren´s believe in humans, in his own kind was big part of his motivation to fight. Therefore, it was important that Eren still sees himself as one of humankind as part of his motivation. That was how Levi apologized all of this sweet talk to Eren. He probably should not interfere into Eren´s thinking so much.  
But he did and he also made a mental note to let Eren use is personal bathroom and also to let him stay in his office when he wanted to - the kid did not disturb him and it should help to avoid nasty situations with other soldiers who liked to beat Eren so much. Mutherfuckers.  
“I did not enjoyed what I had to do. Hanji did not either.”  
“She was so fascinated,” Eren murmured leaning to his side, still trembling slightly. Levi did not commented that gesture, “it scared me.”  
Levi had nothing to say to that.  
“Don´t tell Mikasa or Armin. Please.”  
“Of course, brat.”  
He made a tea afterwards and asked Eren about lime tree flowers in their drink and its effect at human body. It did the trick – the boy calmed and fell asleep on his sofa. Again. 

 

Levi understood. He really did.  
But that evening he still could not sit next to Hanji or even look at The Little Prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, Eren. Really, sweetheart :/


	16. Chapter 15 - Eyes of the enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transformation(s).

When they stood on courtyard next day, Levi was glad that Hanji just told him to transform. 

Eren took few steps from them, eyes only on Levi. The day was untypically bright for this season – almost sunny- but it did nothing to sooth tension around them. They were surrounded by soldiers with weapons prepared, all of them ready to kill Eren without hesitation and it felt almost as very first trial which Eren needed to get through. When Levi thought about that, he was little... frustrated, Eren´s bruises from his comrades clear in his mind. He would expect at least some compassion, not trust, not really but at least... something? They are soldiers not civilians - they should know better than to get their fear the best of them.  
Nothing changed - not really. 

After careful consideration, Levi send Mikasa and Armin away today – just some small tasks to do for him in town– they did not need to see this. Mikasa would not stay calm during this, not if she witnessed clear hostility against her beloved brother. For Armin - he did not want to put him under more emotional stress than was necessary, not after what Eren told him about the blond.  
Levi did this for their sake. They would change nothing.   
_Beaten to the bone without hesitation. Observed like animal by comrades._  
He still felt like a shit for making them stay away. 

But the brat was still looking at him and when Levi mouthed spoon behind Hanji´s back, Eren chuckled darkly and bit his hand without hesitation, already behind the point to really care or to feel fear - state he achieved after "care" he received from Hanji just day ago. It was normal that the majority of good soldiers passed that point - it was reason why good soldiers seemed to be little reckless or even crazy to others. Although Levi knew that this state is temporary for Eren. It took more than he got through to change someone so drastically permanently. 

He bit himself deeply. Blood splashed into air.  
And then the light came. Steam, heat and… _the roar._

They were looking in fascination like bones and muscles were formed from thin air in front of them. Just a few seconds and what they feared the most was standing so close to them, ready to kill. 

_“What was your worst injury so far?”  
“I am actually lucky, brat. That broken ankle was the worst so far. And cracked ribcage. What about you?”  
“Last time… building fell on me. And one beam pierced me. I had pull myself through that to free myself. I don´t remember much though… ”_  
They pulled out their blades. at that point, it was pure instinct, drilled into them by many fights.   
Eren´s titan roared, taking stance, ready to fight.

“Don´t you fucking dare! “ he barked at them. 

All of them looked at him expectantly.   
It was first time when he saw Eren´s form in full force – only time he encountered him he saw burning corpse after brat sealed hole in hole Maria. But this…   
_“I will do your job if you are too scarred. Just let me!”_

“What a beauty!” yelled Hanji. Titan roared again and turned its head directly at Hanji, baring its teeth in something which looked like angry sneer. Of fucking course. Hanji just caused him pain yesterday. Of course it is angry! 

That thing hit the tower nearest to him, effectively destroying it. Someone screamed in pain.   
Levi sealed his gear in the tower and flew – he needed to gain Eren´s attention. If that brat lost it like the last time with his sister…  
But the eyes he saw when he landed purposely in the titan´s eye level were fully aware – although confused, green and so _Eren´s._ The boy roared again but this time it sound more like a question, focusing fully at small figure in front of him. At least something.   
“Just keep your shit together. You are right, brat.”

_I nearly attacked them before you started talking. If there were other titans I would definitely attack instead of listening to you. I feel so much rage in that form… it is so hard to control, Captain._  
“Hanji! You idiot, come here! And you, shitheads, put that things down! He is not going to attack. Just don´t do something stupid!”

_“Don´t say it, brat. Just don´t.”_

Blue and green. Eyes which spoken more than they should.  
*** *** ***   
Next five days were dedicated only to Hanji´s experiments – for all of that time Eren (and practically speaking Levi too because he was supposed to prevent incidents with the brat and his shitty control of his titan form) were on their mercy.

“You can bet,” they grinned, “it is still insanely little so let´s gain as much data as we can.”  
And Hanji certainly did – the brat transformed during that days so much that even Levi felt sick of it. Hanji tested everything and even little more – Eren´s understanding of human language (good as long as you keep message short and simple) in his titan form, his comprehension, his reflexes and motor activity (two horses died in his hands until he found out how much pressure he had to use to pick something up). 

They tried to control brat´s rage.   
This part worried Levi to large extend. They only found out that the brat is able to control himself and stay coherent as long as he is not actively fighting. When Hanji asked him to do some basic hand to combat exercises he could hold himself only for few minutes until he roared in rage and nearly knocked down some walls of castle – Levi had to cut him out.   
They also found out that he is more coherent when Levi is near to him. Captain did not questioned it much, refused to think about it much. Just made sure to be there when the brat transformed with Mikasa and Armin by his side. But when brat was losing it, he desperately focused on Levi and only Levi, nor his sister or his best friend.   
Eren did not talk with other people – just them and Hanji. His constant transformations reminded soldiers that his ability to change into something what they feared is very real.   
Idiots.

But the brat was paying dearly for his transformations (although it was success that he could transform on command without struggles these days) even though, he did not complain – he was pale and constantly tired, practically no eating at all. When he sit on Levi´s coach he had blanket around himself (at that point Levi had blanket for Eren prepared every night - he would rather avoid more injuries because rage of shitty soldiers was once again fueled by Eren´s transformations) shivering although he was normally practically burning.   
“One way or another we need to find his limits,” Hanji said when he asked them, but worry was evident in their voice. But there was nothing to do – older man just made sure to be more patient with brat and not snap at him when he murmured instead of coherent clear speech.

But he had his limits, too.  
One particular night the brat started to talk from his slumber on his couch. Levi tried to ignore him but he was getting louder and louder every passing minute.  
“Brat,” he said when he approached his body, shaking his arm slightly, “wake up.”  
To his surprise, brat woke with jerk and sit down so quickly that he nearly knocked Levi out.

“I have to kill them. I HAVE TO! MAKE THAT WHISPERS STOP!” He yelled and although his eye were on him, Levi could see that he was not looking at him.   
He had look of the man who was pushed into corner. Eyes of animal.  
Captain did not stopped him when he put his face in his palms, hiding himself, his arms shaking. He was frozen in his spot, unable to think properly.   
“Your eyes,” he said only. 

There was nor green nor blue. Just aggressive yellow. 

Eyes of enemy, indeed.


	17. Chapter 16 - If only we had more time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of fluff between Eren and Levi. Well, and new ally of sorts.

Next day Eren was avoiding him.

He could tell really easily – when he woke up behind his table the brat was already gone although it was long before they needed to be awake, barely first shades of grey and blue visible at the sky. It should be impossible for Eren to avoid him, but due to the fact that Levi sent Hanji to the hell with shifting experiments after brat´s last outburst (he would send explanation letter to Erwin later) and that he was free of training for that day with order to rest, the brat was able to stay in basement practically all day long.  
It was clear as day that Eren did not want to see him right now (he would deduce that without Mikasa´s murderous looks aimed on him, thanks) and Levi… respected that. He deserved that day to compose himself.

And, to be honest, Levi did not want to look into brat´s eyes for a while again too – he did not want to see angry yellow. Not yet.  
He was also unsure if it was necessary to really approach topic of… _whispers_ , that was what Eren called it. Was that only incoherent mumbling of scared and exhausted man? Or was it important? There is chance that Eren even does not remember it at all…  
He needed to think about it. Alone.  
So he did other chores he put aside because of Eren. He did his paperwork and cleaned and let the trio be – he was sure that Mikasa and Armin were with Eren all day long as well.  
So when he saw his brats walking through courtyard, he was actually glad. They were ahead of him, clearly unaware of his presence and he let it that way. That three needed time together without him – it did not slipped his attention that blond and the girl were walking much closer to Eren that they would normally do, shoulders touching occasionally. That three were like a chain, connected. 

He stood near the corner, watching them silently.  
They started to help cadets with cleaning – they were supposed to clean lasts bits of stones from tower which Eren knocked down first day and also other minor damages he caused during his training.  
“Nice that you decided to help with cleaning your own mess, Jaeger,” said someone – that Horseface, of course.  
“Just shut up, Jean,” snapped Mikasa at him, clearly agitated. She was always short-tempered when Eren was in pain or vulnerable.  
“Why you defend him? Can´t he do it yourself?” was the Jean´s answer, “that fucking shifter only makes problems and without that cleaning freak captain he would be killed at least twice.”  
“You have no right to-“  
He heard the hit. Then collective gasp of other soldiers.  
Until they registered them Eren and Jean changed few punches.

“What the fuck is going here again with you two?”  
“Captain, Jean-“ started Arwin.  
“Nothing, sir. Just another stupid fight. We are really sorry.” Said Eren, staring at his blonde friend.  
Levi scowled.  
_Speak, kid. I can´t tell I have seen all scene because I am supposed to interfere at the very beginning. But you are in right here._  
“Is that all?” he asked, looking at little crowd. Nobody spoke. Nobody dared.  
“Y-yes, sir. We are truly sorry,” said Jean to him.  
_What´s going here, brat? Why are you covering for him?_

“If you have so much energy, let´s use it properly. You will clean horse barns, Jean. Eren,” he said. The brat looked at him with eyes which were tired but green, “you will clean all third floor. And after dinner you will report to me.”  
“Yes, sir,” he saluted. 

_“Why did not you say a truth?”  
“Ordinary soldiers hate me enough without making problems to one of them. Jean is popular among them. Good soldier, unofficial leader of his own group of soldiers. He also saved Mikasa once. The Horseface is… actually decent person when I am not concerned,” Eren chuckled darkly._

At least Jean grimaced in sympathy when he heard that – third floor was fucking huge to clean. It was much more work that horse barns.  
Well, If Levi cleaned it just today, bored without brats around him, nobody needed to know.  
*** *** ***  
Training. It was what they did next two weeks.  
Levi drilled them to the core – exercises for strength, stamina, with or without 3D gear – it did not mattered.  
He had no better idea what to the while he was waiting for Erwin´s orders- the man did not send him anything via crow for too long. Levi knew that the disaster is approaching them quickly – this was just silence before storm and it made him even more agitated that he normally was.  
Hanji was allowed only ask questions. No more psychical experiments. 

Another thing which gained his attention was that that brat grew up practically during few nights.  
“Just puberty finally hit him,” explained Hanji one evening. They were sitting with him and his brats, Levi´s mug with tea warming her always cold hands at least for few minutes until they would disappeared into laboratory again, “also it could be how much he transformed last few days, though. It could kicked his metabolism. I don´t know yet.”  
One way or another, it hit him _hard._  
He grew to the extent when suddenly Levi had to look up to meet his eyes. His shoulders boarded and his collarbones were much more visible that ever before. His huge shirts suddenly fit him perfectly. His hair was also long enough for him to put them into small ponytail during training – it was only then when Levi saw his eyes clearly without strands hiding his face. They were green. Still green. 

Levi did not let it show but this sudden change in brat disturbed him somehow. He was little startled by the fact how pronounced Eren´s features suddenly were, his all face little… narrower, longer than before.  
Levi was used to the fact that soldiers, especially men around him - were very fit. It was not that army aimed for nice looking bodies, but fit body was also flexible and ready to keep insane pace they were fighting in so it was rather obvious that their bodies were… shaped. Sometimes Levi thought that he is only one who really noticed it just because his own sexual preferences and when this though occurred, he did his best to ignore that observation, feeling rather guilty. What really disturbed Levi was that he suddenly saw that in Eren. When shifter was standing next to his blonde friend difference between them was rather comical. But when Levi found them once again in embrace (that two idiots just did not know how to be really decent), Armin completely snuggled into Eren´s bigger figure… it just looked right. Comfy. 

Brat still behaved like before at least, to remind Levi he is still speaking with the same person - short- tempered and full of rage and thoughtful in most unexpected ways. But… something was different. He just could not pintpoint it.  
The brat at least gained ability to think before he speak. He was also little calmer– like he was finally large enough to store all of his energy and determination more comfortably. It was good change.  
Captain made sure to train with him hand to hand combat again – his long limbs did him more harm that they should, really. His moves were awkward and the older man was surprised that the boy did not stumble on his own legs constantly.  
It gave Levi some of his self-esteem around this new version of brat back. But Walls, Levi felt so tiny around the boy. And although Levi knew how to use his own frame as advantage – how flexible and fast he could be – how his smaller figure allowed him to remain longer in the air, using less gas to support his weight - although he was well aware that he would never grew more and he was finally comfortable with that fact - it still disturbed him that suddenly his eyes were only in level of Eren´s fucking neck. Barely.  
To the hell with his poor nutrition during his own teenage years. 

But well, when the brat started to have problems to fit at his coach properly – he had to duck himself – Levi only smirked.  
Also he had that shitty luck to hear Eren´s tirade about how his body was aching – like he was practically able to feel his bones and muscles grow. Levi wrinkled his nose at that description – it was gross.  
Some things never change.  
Levi did not bothered to put him in his cell anymore – the brat was supervised by him so nobody could complain much. And as long as Erwin did not know…

*** *** *** 

Nobody really talked much about how dangerous 3D gear could be even when you are not attacked by monsters which ate humans like a supper.  
Firstly, it´s good to mention that part of brats are killed by 3D itself during their academic days – when you are in the air for the first time and you let yourself to speed too much without enough experience, there is big probability that you will smash yourself onto something. Human perception has to come with terms with how fast you can fly around object before you would be able to avoid them – it takes time. So, yeah, it is pain in the ass and really stupid way to die but some of them kicked the bucket just because they smashed onto building – internal bleeding is a royal bitch.

And even though you did not die in such a stupid way the gear destroys your body one way or another – the push on your skeleton and especially chord is so hard that it will deform it – people who use gear for years then have problems to stay straight. But only few of them survived long enough to tell the others how agonizing the pain of their necks and deformated backs could be. Levi only knew because he started to feel that pain during some nights too - that ones he went to the bed to sleep with his back straight, ignoring his fuck-it-gonna-sleep-in chair routine. 

Also, majority of soldiers have grounded skin around their torso and legs from straps – it looks like some bizarre tattoo or something. But Levi did not care about that much.  
So when he watched the brats train with gear on the particularly high wall and saw one of them falling – his boathook did not dig into wall properly to support his weigh – Levi saw small puff of gas, probably mechanism was in shitty condition to shook hook with enough force – he was not surprised, not really. He was too far away and on the ground without gear – he could not chase him in time. He bared his teeth in frustration when he heard Mikasa´s scream – but she could not do nothing. He cursed his decision to trust brats that time, his back giving him hard time that day.  
Another of them gone. What a stupid fucking –  
“Jean!”  
He saw one of them to fall too- he let himself fall, using his momentum to run on the wall fast enough to get under the falling man. Then he turned, shot his boathooks and Jean fell at the chest of his saviour with load thud.  
Eren.  
Nice.  
But the momentum which helped him before was now his enemy – he had Jean but they were falling to the ground even with Eren´s hook stabile grounded, too fast to not to break something. 

Levi run to them, “heels, brat!” he yelled desperately although there was no way he would hear him from such distance.  
For once Eren used his brain.  
His heels slowed them although did not stop – but it was enough for them to fall at ground without several damage. When Levi knelt down, other soldiers who trained with them, landing softly around them, he saw that two lying on the ground, chest moving with heavy grasps of air, too high on adrenaline to register him or anxious comrades properly.  
They were already bickering.  
“Check your gear more frequently,” Eren sneered.  
“Like hell I will listen to-“  
“It happened to me too. _Trust me_.”  
“So what? You could transform, “ Jean bickered back.  
“You know what? Next time when I will have problems to shit I will transform. Surely, it will help.”  
Jean chuckled. Levi blinked, too shocked to scold that two idiots.  
“What?”  
“You spend too much time with Captain Levi, Eren.”  
This time both of them chuckled.  
And that was it.

Levi send Armin for medical help for Jean while Mikasa stayed with that both idiots – one hand on Eren´s arm, other on Jean´s head, snickering them when they moved even a little. Jean had partially broken rib and Eren broken both of his ankles. He said that he did not need medical help and even trying to stand up. Captain shut him down.  
“No fucking way. And don´t put your shoes off. This way it would stay at least little fixated,” he murmured.  
It took only half of hour to Eren to heal enough to stand and go inside (although with heavy limp).  
Levi tried his best to not show how hard his heart was still thundering in his chest.  
“Idiots,” he said. Armin and Mikasa by his side said nothing (Mikasa was even paler than usual and Armin´s hands were shaking) – probably thinking the same.  
*** *** ***  
During dinner Jean sit with them.  
He and Eren were arguing again – but this time at least fists were not included.  
Eren had his arm around Armin´s shoulders (it was norm for them and Levi was used to it) but he did not truly understood why Horseface was sitting next to Mikasa and… holding her hand?  
Oh.  
*** *** ***  
_“So… that was the reason why you were so upset with Jean´s hatred.”_  
Heavy sigh. “He and Mikasa were together before my shifting started. But she stopped it when he saw that Jean hated me.”  
“She did the right thing.”  
“No. You don´t understand. She would not start something with him without strong feelings for him. She really liked him. And I… destroyed it. Beside of that he was right to be angry… he mourned Marco, in his shitty way.”  
Blue and green eyes rilled with guilt, “she always put my needs before herself.”  
“You are aware that you two are still like oil and water together, right?”  
“Don´t remind me. I hate him. But I will try my best because my sister chosen him. Walls help me.” 

This always helped him to calm down.  
No matter how many times he gazed at stars, sitting at stones of the walls, it fascinated him, taking his breath away every fucking time. That times he felt so small but also so free, able to breathe again. To remind himself what he is fighting for. To be grateful that he is not in the filth of Underground, without everything what world under clear sky offered him – pain but also joy. Death but also hope for life.

Sometimes he thought that he enjoyed The Little Prince so much because it was about travelling to another planets. He wanted to be as free as that little boy even if it meant to be a friend with a snake.  
“You know, your ankles have to hate you right now.”  
“Well, I hate them too, “ Eren said sitting at the block next to him heavily, “it took ages to find you.”  
“Then you should not looked after me.”  
“Tch. How is it even possible that Mikasa knew where you are when I did not? I spend more time with you than she does.”  
“Only Walls know. Or maybe her boyfriend.”  
Eren grimaced and Levi chuckled. 

Then they were gazing at the stars for a long while, comfortable silence around them like a blanket. It was long since Levi spend enough time with someone to share this type of silence and thanks to that he nearly forgot how peaceful this activity could be. The last time he did it with… Farlan and Isabel.  
He looked at the brat – his eyes were closed and his head turned aside although it disposed his neck to the cold breeze – winter was coming soon. But Eren maybe did not feel that at all with his ridiculous body temperature. Strands of his hair were softly covering his features – nowdays it was long enough to cover half of his neck – hiding him from Levi.  
Levi suddenly wanted Eren to look at him – what shade of green are his eyes in moonlight? He wanted Eren to tell him why his heart was beating so fast when he saved Jean although he saw majority of his beloved dying – the brat in danger, brat who maybe one day will be killed by his own hands – should not affect him so much.  
He wanted Eren to explain him why his heart is beating so fast now.

They heard cawing.  
Levi sighed, looking away for crow which will materialise from thick blackness soon enough. There is surely new order - new mission- from Erwin on leg of that ridiculously intelligent bird.  
When it landed at Eren´s arm, the brat laughed softly although he had to know what new message would be about. Levi suddenly could not look away – this broad-shouldered version of Eren and his bird, in the moonlight. It was…  
If only they had more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for waiting - last few weeks my life was just... mess. Really. 
> 
> Who would tell that Levi would be so melancholic, don´t you think? :)


	18. Chapter 17 - Private moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Few private moments before next storm.

Next day they were already on their way. 

Erwin did what he could to protect them but even his political power was not bottomless – Eren as a shifter was feared by majority. They wanted him to die or at least to give them reason to trust him – yes, in this particular order.

And this mission of theirs was practically dead sentence.

Task as it was standard – expedition to kill as many titans as possible with addition to bring one or two special titan back for Hanji´s experiments. But details were more disturbing.  
Firstly, Levi was allowed to only take his group of brats and two or three more soldiers as a support. It was so pointless to take just a few soldiers with whose he was not familiar enough to trust them that he decided to only take Jean as addiction – that new brat cooperate with his brats good enough and as far as he knew from other cadets and Eren he was decent soldier.   
Secondly, expeditions so close to winter where pain in ass. They will have to fight with hypothermia not only with fucking titans. Fucking fantastic. At least their main tool against titan - Eren - would not be bothered so much by cold thanks to his metabolism or they would be totally fucked.   
They have no other choice, just go with the flow – this or high probability of execution for Eren. And they could not allow that.

_Sorry, dear friend. May a Walls protect you._ Erwin wrote. He could allow at least that, aware that he is sending they strongest tool and humanity´s strongest soldier into hell. Nowdays their correspondence was delivered strictly by Eren´s crow so no third side would read them. The crow as a bird for posts was unheard of so nobody paid attention to the black bird which was around titan shifter so often - there were more disturbing things about him that his pet.   
But the line under that left him confused.

_Never ignore comrade in need of help._  
“What the heck, Erwin?” Levi murmured into the silence of his empty office.

Of course, Levi said nothing of this to his brats. Only ordered them to pack as much clothes as they could. But he knew that the brats were aware of these facts to some extent anyway – at least Armin who was frowning, clearly deep in though all their way on horses´ backs.

They first day was undisturbed – they were still protected by walls. They stopped closely to the wall Maria which was occupied by titans, waiting for cadets to clear it there. Levi wished that that fucking idiots at least did not push them at open, behind all of walls just to be sure that Eren´s chances to come back would be minimal.   
They stopped there, taking advantage of last night when they could got a proper night rest without titans behind their backs. All of them were grim- tired and cold because of weather, even Jean and Eren worked together to build fire and tents without bickering. Mikasa and Armin cooked some quick dinner and tea for them to warm them up while Levi was looking into maps, trying to find out how to get them to the hell and back alive. 

They ate and talked for a while around the fire but weather got them to their tents sooner than later. Hell, even Levi wanted to get to the tent but stayed outside only because he would not dare to lie down before all of his subordinates were in tents too. Eren obviously decided to stay out there with him but Levi did not mind – he talked with the brat in hushed tones like many times before. From time to time they could hear his crow nearby.   
There was also question about sharing tents – they were odd number so one of them should have tent just for himself. But in this conditions (freezing hell) it would be too cruel for anybody so it was decided rather quickly.

“So, me, Mika and Armin in one tent and Captain and Eren in other one?” asked Jean.  
“Yeah. It is always like that, “ said Armin.  
“What do you mean by that always?”  
“Captain always shares tent with Eren. It is routine.” After that Jean blinked and looked at them little strangely, but did not comment it more.   
After that Levi borrowed Eren´s crow again to send report to Erwin – it was sitting on Eren´s shoulder and he was soothing him with soft strokes until Levi tied report to his leg. Levi stroked the bird too in silent thanks for its cooperation. 

After that they went to the tents.   
It was fucking freezing.  
Levi was used to the cold – he spend most of his young age at the streets, cold and hungry majority of his time and that are sensations which are really hard to forget. How your muscles could hurt form constant shivering and that sensation when cold ground or stones you are lying on could suck all warmth from you. How strongly you had to clench your jaw for your teeth to stop chatter. That if you sleep in that state for too long, you will never woke up again.  
It was how he felt right now.

It was long time and Levi was used to at least some comfort from the army – warmth and food so these old-new sensations caught him by surprise. It was that bad that he considered to go out and burn the fire again and sit next to it all night long – there was no way that he would sleep like this. He would be able to deal with mission with day or two without rest– it would not be first nor last time.  
“Come here,” murmured the brat from the darkness of other corner of tent so hesitantly – the boy was more daring when they were alone but only when he considered his point really important. Older man respected him enough to give him a credit of doubt and listen before he scold him, but really, it would be impossible to keep his distance from someone he spend so much time with. This particular time Levi was sure that he spoke at all only because he added, “sir.”

“What the hell, brat?” he nearly barked. Yeah, he was not exactly pleasant company even when he did not feel like shit.   
“We need to share body heat,” he just stated and Levi felt his stare at him even in the complete darkness. He sighed.  
Eren was absolutely right and that was the word part about it. It was what they were taught as brats at academy, what they were supposed to do logically to survive. Actually, it should have been Levi as first to suggest that and even the fact that it did not occurred him at all showed that something with this situation felt… wrong. Levi did know why but this was completely different than sharing heat with Erwin or for example like it would be with Mikasa. 

“Yeah,” he only said. After few seconds Eren sighed and pushed himself closer to the Levi.   
“Your cloak,” he murmured and Levi understood – he opened it as Eren the same with his, the really hesitantly put his arm around Levi´s waist to pull him closer. Levi stiffed while Eren covered them both with cloaks, conserving as much heat for them as he could.   
Levi felt Eren´s hand shaking.  
Thanks to the complete darkness and that they were facing each other everything was little more intimate but also distant at the same time. Every touch of their skin, Eren´s long strands tickling his neck felt more intense that it should. 

After few seconds the warmth of Eren´s body did its magic though – Levi relaxed without intention to do so, even pulled himself closer. This time Eren´s larger figure was huge advantage – Levi could put his head comfortably at brat´s heating chest and his hands which he did not felt properly four hours near to Eren´s armpits. Eren then hesitantly pulled his arms around Levi, giving as much warmth as he could to the captain.   
When he found by the touch that the brat his sleeping without his boots, he was royally pissed – it was so cold that he did not dare to pull them down no matter how uncomfortable it was and this brat could sleep without them and his hands and feet were not even cold. That was so fucking unfair. 

“Don´t you fucking dare to talk about this in the morning. Understood?” he murmured.  
He felt Eren´s chuckle by puff of air in his hair, “of course, Heichou.”   
So Levi just let everything go for that night – he left himself to be comforted by something so simple as human touch and heat and deceptive feeling of security. It was too much suddenly – the pressure to bring all of them back alive, the title of humanity´s strongest, his own strange reactions around Eren because that brat was changing so much in front of his eyes – not the kid anymore. All of this was just too confusing  
He put it everything aside with though _fuck that_ and actually snuggled to the Eren this time. He knew he should not do that - there were still their ranks between them but he was just too tired of everything. _Fuck that. Fuck that all I don´t care._  
Eren squeezed him a little.  
“You fucking furnace,” Levi told him as a reply.  
“Hey, Heichou! You should be glad!” he whimpered angrily and Levi shut him so he did not wake others in second tent. Once hot tempered brat, always hot tempered brat. But it somehow calmed the shorter male down.   
And he actually slept that night. 

*** *** ***   
Next morning something really rare happened – when he woke up, he was already alone.  
Eren woke up as first.  
Levi did not honestly happened if this occurred before with anybody – his sleep was too light for that. It was so strange that Levi allowed himself to stay under their cloaks – that brat tucked him under both of them so Levi actually felt comfortable and warm – and fully exploring the sensation of that situation. He also felt sweet soreness in his muscles – that one you have got after good night rest. In his case it was around five hours but still.   
He only heard one pair of voices outside – it was easy to recognize them as Eren´s and Jean´s. 

“How exactly close you and Captain are?” Jean said and Levi did not know him long enough to be sure but it sounded like teasing.  
“What do you mean by that, Horseface?” Eren snickered.  
“Sleeping with him in one tent willingly. Talking with him all the time, spending time together. Damn, Eren, that man had reputation of killing machine without heart.” Few years ago this statement would make Levi to bare his teeth in silent frustration. Now though... he felt nothing. Calm acceptance, maybe.   
“And I have reputation of monster, so what?” Eren shot back, “and I…” long long pause. 

“He is important to me.”   
(For some reason, this made him react although statement about him being a monster did not, his heart beating strongly, heavily in his chest).

“I already said that I am sorry, right? I was just… curious, you know. Life here is too short to…”  
What. The. Fuck.  
Jean´s voice died out, his sentence without end.   
“And no, you did not apologize. But I cannot expect miracles from guy who wanted to join police so…”  
“Hey! I am trying to be polite!” he shouted.   
“Just because my sister told you so. It does not count!” he send back. Levi sighed. That two were not able to have one fucking polite conversation without arguing. Stupid brats without-   
“Right. But I meant it this time. I have to admit that during that insane speech of yours you… have right in your own suicidal way.”  
“W-what?”   
“People in police are boring clowns. And I would never meet Mikasa so…”  
It was time when Levi decided that he had enough of two of them. He stood up with his own cloak around him and Eren´s in his hand.  
“I am glad I joined, you suicidal bastards.” 

He walked into Jean´s big grin on his face and without comment threw other cloak around Eren´s shoulders. Eren in return gave him cup of drink made of needles. Levi grimaced but drunk that thing tasting honey at his tongue.  
“Better,” he commented and the brat grinned.   
“Gonna wake up Armin and Mikasa and pack things. Enjoy your meal, you two,” he said, looking penitently at Eren until that brat actually... blushed.  
“Shut up, horseface!”   
“Whatever, suicidal bastard. “

When he was out of shot, Eren asked Levi, “why did not you put him into his place?” _I know that you hear complete conversation_ was unsaid but evident.  
“Too much effort right now. Also, it was rather funny to see you squirm.”  
“He is idiot.”  
Levi sighed, “for once I cannot disagree.”   
*** *** ***   
Much later – only a while before they sat on horse backs – he saw how Mikasa approached Jean and put her hand hesitantly at his chest, saying something. He saw Jean smiled softly at her and braid his fingers with hers, holding their hands still over his heart.  
All of them knew how risky this mission was. But they did not protest that all of this was unnecessary - all of them too used to the fact that life of few persons mean nothing. 

Levi turned away – this was private moment and made sure that the titan brat would not interrupt them.   
*** *** ***


	19. Chapter 19 - May the walls protect your soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission continues no matter of circumstances. That´s how things go here.

They got into territory of Maria wall without too much ado. 

They were moving fast and as quietly as possible, avoiding titans in the city. There were many of them but this time all was different – easier. Their group was small and there were no caravans to slow them down.   
Although it should took only half of day to reach gateway of Maria, Levi planned to stay at its territory for tonight, unwilling to rush out of the wall with just few hours of winter sunlight.

Day was uneventful. Eren was by his side all the time exactly how he was tell to be, Jean by Mikasa´s and Armin was closing their small group. He also ordered brats to not to use 3D gear if not necessary – they need to save as much gas as possible. He did notwant to use supplies they had put here before without good reason to do so.   
For the night he has chosen small family house –he did not want tall building for them in case that some stupid titan decided to knock it down with them inside. Their house for the nigh was maybe fifteen minutes from the wall. 

“We used to live just two streets from here,” Eren said in uncharacteristically small voice when they sat down in the house to eat their dinner, “ we had chased each other until we had been in front of church.”  
“Armin´s grandfather had always given us something small to eat if we helped him with his chores,” Mikasa added unexpectedly and Levi would swear that her eyes were little glassier that was usual. Jean put hand at her arm in silent support.   
“And Eren´s father had scolded him because he always mixed herbs for his patients,” said Armin. Three of them looked like each other like they would not believe that it was their life just fey years ago. 

“Let´s sleep, brats.”   
And when they all lied down, arm to arm – next to each other, seeking comfort because sleeping in unprotected territory get best of soldiers- he could not block one thought.  
 _I am sorry for your loss._   
Eren was snuggled to his side while Levi was still sitting, first on the watch. Older man put hand at his head, wondering, if it is worse to know what one lost or to not had it ever at all.   
*** *** ***   
With first sunlight they moved.   
Levi´s plan was very simple – to go off the walls but stay as close to them as possible. They would not seek titans actively, just killing ones who would come to them. When situation would get better of them they would come back no matter of number of killed titans.   
Levi hoped that it will be good enough to survive. They had no other choice. This mission was suicide one way or another and they just let them to do it because of fucking politics and police.

They never got that far.

They were close to the gates when they heard horrible scream. Next three followed just seconds after.  
You did not have to see – every soldier knew the scream of someone who had just few seconds of life before being consummated by titan.   
_Never ignore comrade in need of help._  
That was Erwin said. Is this…?

“Turn around!” he ordered and directed his horse to the source of scream. It was nearby – maybe fifty meters - but the saw nothing because of buildings.   
They came to the total chaos.

Streets full of half eaten bodies of cadets. He stopped to look properly – stupid greenhorns were flying without real direction, using too much gas at once. Where the fuck are older ones who were supposed to guide them?   
There were five fifteen meters high titans, one of them unnaturally fast. But more and more were approaching because of havoc. There were more or less twenty titans in their area.  
The fucking shit.   
“Sir, let me transform!” Eren said, clearly seeing how desperate situation is.   
“No. You still can´t control yourself-“  
 _“Sir!”_  
“You four, cage formation. Church, “ he pointed at the tall building next to him,”tall green house, “ he pointed at that building maybe two streets away, “red house in front of us and city hall. And don´t you fucking dare to left your formation.”  
“Sir!” and they flew.

Cage formation was actually very simple but effective idea – he set imaginary cage in form of square. Soldiers were supposed to kill everything in that area but by staying in cage they stayed close enough to each other to cover backs of comrades. It also saved gas because they did not have to flew to titans – they were walking to them, sniffing fresh flesh.  
Levi took center of cage while every of his brats took one corner, killing each titan who was already inside of the cage, while his brats were busy with their corner of the cage .   
_Let´s the game begin._

Levi used roof of building next to him as launching pad, sprinting for first titan – male with long blond hair and creepy smile. He used gear to gain momentum then aimed for neck. That thing was fast though – nearly catching him when he flew around its neck. He just changed trajectory little, letting gravity to do its work – cutting tendons. The titan roared in pain and Levi killed it this time. He had not time to play.   
Next one was currently chewing something what used to be soldier – he could tell only by cloak. It looked at him with malice, evidently in challenge. It was easy kill though – only seven meters and with sluggish legs.   
It continued by that for a while. 

By the corner of his eye he saw his brats doing good job – the reason why he chosen for himself the center of cage was because it gave him quick access to every brat although disadvantage was that position in center was the most difficult one – he was open from every side. But hell if he let someone else in his squat to take this position instead of him.

From time to time he saw cadets there. Better half was on ground or on roofs, out of the gas. Levi wanted to yell at them with frustration. _At least hide, you idiots!_  
One of still flying rookies approached him, landing next to him – blond with brown eyes, “expecting orders, captain!”   
“What the hell happened here, cadet? Where are veterans who should guide you?”  
“They were killed by special titan as first, sir. We took it down later but…”  
It was fucking too late. 

“Tell that kids without gas to hide. Then come back to my side.”  
“Sir, yes sir!”   
Then he did what he knew the best – killing everything in his radius, flying, flowing with the air. He was in tandem with his blades and his ability to move in air fluently and elegantly. He had ability to guess right moves to end his enemy without struggle which let even the most experienced killers speechless. At least it was what Erwin said to him once. 

And in some oddly way he felt right. At peace.   
The kid never came back – probably killed – but some soldiers appeared in his territory, killing best to their abilities. Levi helped them when they had problems – this was how this supposed to be before it turned to be catastrophe – guided experience for rookies.   
Once he saw how Mikasa saved Armin from woman titan which surprised him. Levi nodded to them – they were already flying back to their positions.  
Then he heard unhuman shriek.   
_Eren._

Mikasa was already flying to his direction. Levi also realized that Jean was missing too- from his and Eren´s corners came too many titans to him. He cursed.   
“Armin, come here to cadets!” he barked. Cage was destroyed anyway so it was unnecessary to keep cadets without guidance of someone more experienced. The blond nodded and Levi followed Mikasa.  
 _Eren is not dead. He would transform, he would fight he would- ___

___The scene he came to was taken from the nightmare._  
Eren was alive at least. He was sitting in the middle of destroyed building with Jean.  
Eren´s blade was deeply buried in Jean´s chest with boy´s hand still on it.   
“Eren,” whispered Mikasa in clear horror, “what have you done?” 

___*** *** ***  
This wasthe nightmare. There was no other way how to describe it in Eren´s opinion.  
More and more titans were coming and captain did not allowed him to transform. _

__Only after longer while Eren realized that they were holding their ground perfectly, killing more and more titans without much struggle. At least little panic went away from Eren´s chased mind – maybe after all they could handle this, maybe –_ _

__He saw some blond girl – she was so similar to Annie he had to blinked to distinguish them. She was clearly out of the gas, running on the ground and her face full of panic which Annie would never show.  
Eren bared his teeth and turned around. He could not let his position because it would threaten Levi as the middle of cage. He can´t – _ _

__But evidently Jean decided otherwise.  
“You idiot!” Eren yelled when he saw the horseface lifting the blond rookie from the ground in front of fifteen meters high titan – and it almost looked like they made it but that thing kicked Jean and the girl in last second, selling them to the wall. Eren heard dull crack – he did not have to look to know that girl was dead. _ _

___Jean was getting at his feet to Eren´s relief – titan shifter was flying to him to protect him until he orientated himself and came to his position.  
Eren avoided next titan just by sheer luck, too focused on Jean to concentrate on anything else properly. He knew Levi would scold him for that later but he could not let Jean die.   
He felt bad enough for abandoning that girl although he knew what would Levi told him about that. _You have to see things in bigger picture. Hero complex is for nothing here,"_ he would say._

__He was not fast enough._ _

___For some reason titan knocked the building next to Jean down –  
“Jean!”   
He saw how beam of building pierced Jean to the ground in slow motion.   
_“Jean!”_  
Eren killed that titan in one smooth move.   
“E-ere-n.”  
“You idiot. You _fucking idiot!"__

__His body was pinned to the ground by the wood. It pierced him in his abdomen area and Eren knew he could not pull that thing out of him- inner bleeding would kill him instantly._ _

___Even his father – doctor- would not be able to help.  
And he was helpless idiot, he could not do half of things which his father would, he could not –   
“I-it hur-hurts-“ he coughed blood, looking at him desperately. _

___Injuries of stomach and abdomen were the most painful ones. That was what Levi once said to him.  
He is going to die slowly and in agony for hours. Unless…  
Eren took out his blade. Hero complex is for nothing here.   
“Hel-p me, Ee-ren. It hu-rts, _please!__ ”   
Eren looked in Jean´s eyes for last time seeking at least something – approval, realization – but he saw only animal need for relief, intelligence covered by inhuman pain. Eren remembered too well how it felt.   
“I am so sorry, Jean,” he whispered before he dig his blade into Jean´s rib cage with shaking hands, straight to the heart. 

__Killing him effectively._ _

__Jean´s blood splashed, covering his face, when he heard the voice of his sister, full of horror._ _

__“What have you done?”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I am so _so_ sorry.


	20. Chapter 20 - In my heart, in my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let them mourn.

Much later they were told that it was all some plan of sorts to prevent them to go behind the walls. 

Erwin made sure that group closest to the walls had less veterans that was necessary, leaving enough space for cadets to do some stupid mistake and gain attention of titans during time when he and his group was supposed to be close to them. And well, it was expected from Levi to come and help, abandoning their original mission with reasonable excuse. 

Erwin could not predict how exactly it would end. Not really. Levi knew that. 

After battle only seven rookies from thirty were still alive. The number of fallen ones included Jean too. Levi´s and Eren´s lives in change of twenty-three other ones.   
After first terrible seconds both Mikasa and Levi realised that Jean´s injuries were just too much and Eren only killed Jean in mercy, releasing him from pain. Actually, Levi was surprised that the brat was strong enough to end it for his comrade but for Mikasa…

Eren killed his partner. He ended him no matter how he put it although she logically knew it was for the best.  
They even did not have a chance to restore the body – after Jean was killed more and more titans came and they had no chance to renew cage formation. They were running back – Levi only had chance to see how Jean´s body was crushed by feet of another ten class titan. He would remember that sickening sound of crunching bones for long time.   
Titan shifter was following him grimly, silent and pale and Levi did not know what to say. Mikasa saw leaning into Armin, looking like a ghost.

They were going back. Levi announced mission as failure.   
*** *** ***   
Levi ordered took a leader post of remaining seven rookies – he wanted to make sure that after this fiasco they would make it back to the safety. One way or another majority of them was in state of shock, not really able to fight for day or two. And without gas…   
Captain sighed and ordered them to prepare for the night. 

He found building for them all – it was no way they will travel back behind Wall Rose without light. He let them settle and made sure they had place to sleep and something to eat. He even allowed them to make a small fire. He knew how even a little light could high spirit. There was no danger in it now – they made it in room without windows.

His brats said no word to him or to each other. 

He saw how Eren tried to approach Mikasa few times during the day – she just looked at him blankly and actually flinched when he tried to grab her hand. Levi interrupted that painful scene, putting his hand at Eren´s arm. After the initial shock and numbness Eren started to feel guilty, responsible for Jean´s death. It was heavy burden which he needed to release a little and LEvi understood that well and sympathized but.. _Give it time._

Levi knew that Eren is lot of things but patient is not one of them.

So when the night finally came – and he knew that this one will be long, endless with fear and scared survivors – he should not have been really surprised when Eren approached them with determination in his mismatching eyes. 

Corporal was sitting near to the fire with Armin in silence, watching rookies – night was fucking cold and the fact that they were under actual roof did not make big difference. Mikasa was sitting alone in the corner, leaning onto the wall with that blank stare when Eren approached them with steaming cups in his hands. Older man and Armin took it from it without comment, expecting tea – instead of that he saw only hot clear water with rosehips in it. They were red as drops of blood and there was nothing else in the cup. 

“Eren,” whispered Armin in astonishment, looking at cup in his hands, “are you sure about this?”  
“Yes,” he said in response and then with hesitancy he softly added, “it is time to grieve.”  
“Then,” said Armin with glassy eyes, _“he will be remembered in heart and mind.”_  
Eren bowed to him deeply and repeated same line, _“he will be remembered in heart and mind.”_  
Then he turned and with deep breath approached Mikasa with two cups in his hand.  
“Oh, Eren,” said Armin just to himself. 

Levi felt like intruder but wanted to know so he asked anyway.

“This are… burial rituals to grieve death ones typical for Wall Maria citizens,” explained to him the blond with small voice, “drinking a drink make only with rosehips symbolize dead itself. It is really sour but healthy drink to remind us that dead is sad but necessary part of life.”   
“Oh.”  
“Yeah, just make sure to drink it all otherwise you will call death to us.” To that Levi snorted but he made sure to sip that thing.   
He saw how Mikasa looked at her cup and started actually cry – silently, just tears rolling down. It was first expression of emotion on her face since Jean died.   
“What are other customs of your people connected with mourning?” he asked. He was aware that people of every wall had different traditions for weddings, birth and death but concept as whole was completely strange to him – people of Underground did not bother with such things. There you were respected only as living person who could be used and only thing which awaited you after your death was silently mourning relatives. If you did not have them you are lucky if someone buried your corpse and kids did not cut your hair from corpse just to gain coins. 

“Look,” Armin pointed at Eren and Mikasa. The boy was tying something around girl´s wrist. “The bracelet for mourning person is really common. The condition is that there must be rosehip at it. The number of rosehip indicates who the deceased was to you. One hip for friend, two for sibling, three for lover and four for your child. this fruit takes long to dry up but when it does, you are supposed to put your bracelet down. It symbolized that all mourning has to end once. That you should continue in living.” 

Now, when explained, Levi could clearly see three red spots at Mikasa´s new bracelet.   
“It is okay to… approach them now?” asked Captain tentatively.  
“Yes. By giving you the drink Eren acknowledged you as one of mourning company. Someone... really close,” he added with strange expression on his face. Levi did not ask about that, though. 

Levi was not really sure about that – he did not know the kid well and he lost too many of his own beloved ones to feel real sorrow for someone he trained only for short amount of time. But this evidently meant lot for Mikasa and he knew that grieving is important part of healing. 

So he came to both of them with Armin by his side and for the first time in long he bowed deeply like Eren did and in clear and resonant voice, looking at her, he said,   
_“he will be remembered in heart and mind.”_  
It was not okay and probably for Mikasa it never would be. But that gesture of Eren´s – strangely thoughtful but Levi was not surprised by it anymore from him –made difference.

Levi heard lot of stories about Jean that night and later it was explained to him that it was also part of their ritual together with singing which had to be abandoned - it could be detected by titans.   
So all of all, it was not much but it was enough. That night three of them slept snuggled to each other, Mikasa in Eren´s arms. She would be okay, Levi though with some strange heavy but somehow sweet feeling in his chest.This was how their lives functioned – living and leaving dead one behind without proper time to mourn them, to feel because in time of the war it was luxury.   
But their feelings… in the end they mattered. It was only thing which made them feel alive.

Levi made sure to drink all of his drink.   
_Life goes on with our beloved ones in our hearts and minds._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rather enjoyed writing about culture and customs - it really gives their world another dimension and depth, don´t you think? Funny fact - Mikasa was touched by this gesture because usually you say words "will be remembered in heart and mind" only for your family. That´s also reason why Armin was so hesitant at first. By that ritual Eren practically said that he had considered Jean as his brother in law already. 
> 
> I am also really sorry for such a long break. I just lost inspiration for a while. I will do my best to update this regularly. 
> 
> Kudos to support your author? :)

**Author's Note:**

> Old squad Levi was killed by Annie, but here they did not find her identity.
> 
> Please, if something is unclear, just ask. I am also sorry about mistakes - I am without beta.  
> Let me know what you think about this one. I will try to add new chapter every week :)


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